Endangered Species.

Wow. Ok, well, first... I went to the bachelorette party. It was tame by most people's standards and there was only one conversation about "remember when" and it was somewhat painful but relatively quick.

In other news, Rusty is dealing with some pretty crappy emotional stuff from a few of his friends. Within a one day period he found out one friend had informed his wife that he had been having an affair and "was done" with the marriage. This was hard for Rusty and a few of their other friends because he knows the guy involved and also the guy's brother. Then the next day, a friend from work told Rusty that he and his wife were getting a divorce and he'd also been having an affair. Rusty came home kind of shell-shocked at that point. It's hard to not put yourself in their place when these guys are about the same age as us and have been married similar amounts of time as we have. There are also kids involved in both marriages. Rusty's been really good about being honest with the friend from work when the guy asks his opinion and he's been good to not take sides since he doesn't know the wife and is only hearing one side of the story. But these are also his friends and I can tell he's dissappointed.

A few days later, another friend talked about the problems he and his wife are having but in this case the guy is doing everything he can to do the right thing, be compassionate and take care of things in an honorable way. I'm just afraid that because we are all imperfect human beings, no matter what this guy does he can't control his wife's actions. That worries me and I'm trying to keep them in my prayers without letting my feelings take over.

And last but not least... our neighbor. Some of you are familiar with the ongoing saga of "Hollywood Mom" who up and quit her job, took two of her three kids to Hollywood and left the other one here with her husband? Yeah, well, the one who was left here was sent out to Cali to join Mom and the others. And they're not coming back. Nice. Dad is still here, talks about missing his family. And has a new girlfriend. Again... what the crap?!

Rusty and I have been through a lot together. Some of it has been pretty bad. But each time either of us had to make a conscious decision about whether we were giving up or staying with it. Neither of us is perfect by any means. So how come we're ok but so many others aren't? Is it just easier to give up? I don't know how that's the case when you have kids and a life together that you have to rip apart and try to rebuild somewhere else with someone new.

We have a friend who has an history as a recovering drug addict. You'd never know it from meeting him. He loves his family and is a good guy. But as some point he had to make the decision to #1, get clean and #2, decide his family was important and be there. I haven't told him this but I am so very impressed with that. My own "biological father" was a drug addict by the time my parents divorced and he disappeared off the face of the earth for a while. Then he came back to the area when I was in high school, got somewhat clean (may be debatable) and his family welcomed him with open arms. Which, ok, if Liam or Sean went that route then wanted to do the right thing and get sober again, of course I'd welcome them back. BUT... ("Let's talk about your big but, Simone" - Ha!) But, after "Bio Dad" got clean? That was it. He never took it a step farther and tried to repair the damage he did to his relationship with my brother or I. And his family? Just told us how wonderful he was and how great his new family was and that he was ignoring us for our "own good... because he cares so much about us." Uh huh. Kids don't buy that. If you care, you act like you care. If you really care, it's hard to not be involved. I need to tell this friend how much I appreciate that he stuck with it and is the father in his family. His kids are really lucky (as am I because I got a pretty darn good dad as a replacement in my own situation!)

I bring that up because, like I mentioned, every one of the affair/divorce/diffulty situations going on for friends right now are relationships in which there are children involved. One person seems more focused on himself and his current situation, one wants to do the right thing but isn't sure how and frankly isn't doing the right thing as far as his kids and his "girlfriend" are concerned (moving out of his house and in with his girlfriend) and one is missing his family tremendously and is faced with having them gone for good so he's found a replacement for now. The kids stuck in the middle are going to be hurt the most. The wives are part of the couple. They are possibly totally innocent parties, but they're still adults and are for the most part already mature in who they are as people. The kids aren't. No matter what you tell them, they're perceiving things the way their own little kid brains are able to and no amount of talking with no action to follow it up is going to change that. My biggest fear in each of these situations is that the kids will be faced with choosing sides or not getting to maintain a good relationship with their dads, or even the case of the neighbor to even see their dad on a regular basis. I don't think a marriage should stay together because of the kids alone. But I do think people need to be more realistic about how they conduct themselves while going through the process. And they need to remember you can divorce a spouse you were never "related" to but you can't ignore the fact that you have little people with half of your DNA running around and they are still something you need to deal with! Good heavens, what a rant. People are really stupid sometimes, though. My brain hurts.