Girly health.

(I mean, it won't be too graphic, but the "P" word will be thrown around a bit.)

Guess what?! We might know why I'm so chubby lately! No. I'm not pregnant. Actually, I couldn't be even if I wanted to be at the moment. Why? I have a medical condition! Woo hoo! So why am I happy? The chubby part? Remember? Keep up, please.

Ok. So it's no secret, especially to those of you who've known me for a while, that my currant weight and physical shape are not "normal" for me. For the most part, this chubby phase started in Maryland and it's been hard to deal with. When I was pregnant with the boys I gained a lot of weight. After I stopped nursing Sean I decided, "Hey, why not lose the weight?" and started Weight Watchers and was back to my normal size again in six months or so (started in late February of 2003 and was back in a size 8 by September.) It wasn't hard for me to do and I started running in the process and found I really enjoyed it.

Fast forward: 2004. I was gaining weight and not sure why. The running had stopped (the area where we lived wasn't ok for running after dusk) and I wasn't watching my diet as much but the weight I was gaining was way more than what could be explained away by those two factors. My doctor even got into the act and tested my thyroid and it was fine.

I started to get kind of depressed and Rusty and I couldn't understand why my body wasn't responding the way it had just a year earlier when I lost my pregnancy weight. I think I gave up. My weight didn't get any higher, thankfully, but trying to lose any significant amount just wouldn't happen. With the stress of renovating the Bowie house and Liam's testing, I just let my unhappiness fade into the background and stopped dressing and acting the way I would if my weight weren't an issue. I seemed to not want to have any attention from anyone (except Rusty.) This was the beginning of my "I hate my body but hate that it matters so much to me" phase.

So. Fast forward again. Spring 2006. My doctor orders my normal yearly check-up bloodwork for cholesterol, etc. The month before we find out we're moving my doctor's office calls and says my blood sugar is higher than normal but since we were moving, changing insurance, and starting with a new doctor it was decided I would be able to wait and start a plan of attack when we got to Ohio. In the meantime, I go from my normal 28-29 day menstrual cycle to having a psychotic period every few weeks with an extreme in the variation of how heavy or how light. And it never ever made sense. I made my yearly girly doctor appointment and went last Friday. I was dreading having to deal with a period problem and a blood sugar/pre-diabetes problem at the same time. How much crap could I take at one time? (How much crap could I remember at one time?)

I sat in that doctor's office and prayed that God would let this doctor know what was going on. She did. She listened to my symptoms and said, "You're not ovulating. Probably haven't since mid-June or so when this started. Here's the deal. Here's what you should tell your primary care physician. And by the way? The weight gain and high blood sugar? Is all part of this same issue. One neat little package to deal with instead of a 'female issue' with me and a diabetes issue with your other doctor." I? Almost lost it and cried right there. SO relieved. And so very excited to hear that the weight thing is not my fault and I didn't do anything wrong in my approach to trying to lose it.

She then went on to say that the little facial hairs that had popped up over the last few months? And the acne on my jawline? All due to this as well. It had never occurred to me that this was all part of the same thing. Again, so relieved. I have to take all this info to my primary care doctor (who has no clue that I even had a girly doctor visit and just thinks I'm coming in to talk about my high blood sugar, so hopefully he agrees with the gynocologist's diagnosis.) Girly doctor wrote down a list of blood tests she's suggest be done as well as a medication that should help. The medication, if he agrees and decides to prescribe it? Will cause a lot of these symptoms to disappear. Will cause this last month of doing Weight Watchers and running to actually be able to be effective and help me get back in shape. I just hope he sees the same things she does and we can get this figured out.

The diagnosis? Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) Not life threatening. No reason to believe it's anything other than what it is - annoying, but treatable. And I'm so looking forward to getting back to normal. I don't mean to make this sound like it's "nothing" because I know a lot of women who have this have a lot more severe symptoms than I'm displaying and I know from experience that it's hard to deal with mentally as well as physically. It makes me feel ugly. But from my perspective, the diagnosis is a huge blessing because now I know what I'm fighting. And most of you who know me know I'm all about fighting and being beligerent. Bring it. I'm so ready to wear that cute black dress I've had hanging in my closet since I last wore it in 2004.