Them: I need another stocking stuffer for *****
Me and others: What do you have so far?
Them: An iTunes giftcard, tickets to Beauty & the Beast* and blah blah blah...
Me: Uh... how about a couple of Rolo's and call it a day?
*or Lion King, whichever Broadway show came through last year.
Rusty and I have Christmas rules around here. They came about one year when we heard a child we knew complaining about not getting something they wanted then heard the parents say they'd spent $500+ on this child, plus stocking stuffers. And this was a young child (four years old at the time.) We sat ourselves down and talked about what was important for us and came up with these rules:
1.) Santa brings three gifts for each of the boys. And no, those three gifts aren't like a Wii and two games. Nice try, though.
2.) We buy them each a gift from us (or it's a gift we buy the family - two years ago it was a basketball hoop for the Maryland house.)
3.) They pick out a gift for each other.
We're not Scroogy. And we're not "poor" (though we're definitely living on a tighter budget now that the school loan came due.) But even if we were rolling in dough? Why? Our kids are still relatively young - Liam will be nine in a few months and Sean turned six this past fall. If we give them everything they saw on TV now? What about next year? And the year after that? Where does it stop?
Liam has been asking for a Wii. Literally every family in our neighborhood has one, except us and one other. And one of the Wii families also has a GameCube and an XBox. Their kids are ten, seven and two years old. I am the first to admit that there are absolutely no inherently bad things about a Wii or GameCube. But if that's the norm we establish for them at this age, how do you maintain it? To be honest, our boys love playing the plug-in Atari joystick game I bought Rusty for his birthday last year for $10!
So this year we decided to go ahead and buy a video game system for the "family gift." We decided to buy a Playstation 2 at Best Buy. And the process has been funny. One neighbor even said, "you do know there's a Playstation 3 now, right?" Yeah, we do. But why? Why spend more on kids who are just as happy with Atari in the first place, when you can get the system for much less now, the games for much less now and the accessories for much less now? No answer to that. Buying the older model now when the boys are younger means maybe down the road when they're older and know how to properly care for something more expensive then we can think about it a little more seriously.
I'm not saying if you bought your kid a Wii that you're a horrible parent. I am saying that we are specifically trying to make our kids understand that they're blessed to get gifts at all, that the fun they have with the gift is more important than whether it's this year's model or last. And that the gifts are not the reason we come together for Christmas in the first place. And I think it's sinking in.
When the boys pick their gifts for each other it's usually a Matchbox car "because Liam loves cars, Mom!" or something that seems small but that they each pick because they know the other will really enjoy it. And Liam asked once why so-and-so got so much more from Santa and he didn't. We explained that besides Santa, he has us and lots of family that buys him gifts and that some other kids aren't that lucky so we told Santa he could take some of our extra gifts to those families instead. Liam was cool with that. So we figure they're learning what we want them to.
Disclaimer: Please do not email or leave defensive comments about this. Your budget and your priorities and your child rearing is not up to us. Our reasoning does not mean that your reasoning is wrong. Happy Holidays.
9 comments:
for the first time in a long time, we did an all cash Christmas which means it was pretty meager by past years' standards. And we are SO OKAY with it that it defies logic. The kids got what they asked for (within reason) and we don't have any more bills to deal with.
Beyond that, this year I've made it a point to them to think of someone else. We try to do this with them anyway, but it's hard when their friends are teaching them to be in it for themselves. Heck, after spending my birthday this week with the BIG students doing outreach, THAT might become a birthday tradition for each of them as well.
It will be easier now that they're getting a little older.
Good on ya for your philosophy!
Stacie and Janet,
YAY YAY YAY for parents like you! And, I appreciate the grace you extend to parents w/o your philosophy, Stacie. I totally agree with you. While I don't have kids of my own, I was a child once (imagine that!) and I never got everything I could ever hope for or wished. And guess what? I was grateful for what I got most years. (there is one year I was a brat and my family has never let me live it down) But it's NOT what I discuss with my therapist! LOL! -Emily
I can say with no reservations that you guys are not the kind of parents (or people in general) that would think like some of the people we've run into. The guy who freaked because his kids were going to be in school with low-income kids, for example.
I think you have to have a certain way of thinking to begin with - I don't picture one of your kids asking for an XBox of their own for their room with their own TV then getting it and being upset that the TV didn't have a built-in DVD player.
I guess my thing is once you get to that level, kids expect more to the point that they'll never be happy.
I think it wouldn't hurt to pick up some more sports games for your kids... like NHL or Madden.
Gah - who let not-your-husband make comments? ;) TOTALLY agree with you. We don't write letters to Santa because Santa doesn't bring everything you WANT, but he does bring fun things that he thinks you'll need. The girls think that's cool...
Actually, we did have that happen, Stacie. That's why we scaled way back (along with simply being sick of debt involved to do it). And I'd LOL if someone said that about low-income kids at his school. Heck, I worry about a day when we aren't in a school like this. It scares the daylights out of me. That's another discussion for another time, though.
My kids have asked for a cell phone and laptop every year for the last 7-8 years now. Once they got toy phones and last year we broke down and bought a rather outdated iMac for cheap. It fits their needs just fine. But they do have their own iPods.
More than anything it's about balance, gratitude, and respect. Occasional splurges don't hurt anyone. But a constant diet of instant (and total) gratification leads to a very unhealthy individual regardless of how those wants are met.
Great topic! Wanna come play Wii at our house? ;)
It's not the Wii or the iPod or the Mac or whatever. It's the thinking behind the idea that my kids can't be just as happy with a Playstation 2 only because it's not the newest thing out there.
If I imply that my kids need only the latest and greatest to be happy then that's what they'll believe.
It's not about the stuff. It's about being able to be happy regardless of having it and then when you are blessed with it, being able to appreciate it. I'm not at all implying there's a set age or family situation for any given item. I can only speak for my family and our situation.
Woohoo....joining the ranks of the family that only owns a PS2...yippee....tried for a Wii this year but seriously God had other ideas. So funny. My aunt works at Walmart and employees have first dibs. So dad asked if we'd like one....reluctantly (because Ron wasn't into it)I was like sure (cause it was someone elses money)She had already got one for her grandson and one for my brother, it was almost too easy. So then when it was our turn. They'd come in while she wasn't there. Or she'd just miss them...literally she tried for 2 weeks straight. I wasn't stressed over it because there was that still small voice that was saying...uhhhh...ya don't play the PS2, why the Wii, except you'll be moving....So I surrendered....a new cricut cartridge it shall be instead...and and shhhhh....Ron's getting something he really really wants too...he'll be oh so happy and if Rusty Don't have it we'll share....
We are usually behind on the game systems...gotta get that price down to where we can afford it LOL. We have the first xbox. Its a little harder to find games, but I got a brand new one on ebay for $10! I like your philosophy too!
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