Tuesday, May 29, 2007

What's up with me and why does it matter?

A friend of mine, whom I've known since the second grade (and no... I won't tell you exactly how that's been) is getting married this summer. I've been invited to her bachelorette party and I've yet to RSVP. I want to go and hang out with her because she's really been a good friend to me, even when we lived halfway across country from each other and saw each other rarely with months between each visit. This friend sent me a birthday card every year from the time we were in school until after I got married, regardless of where I was or what she was doing. She's a good friend and I love her dearly. She's one of those people you hang out with after months and feel right at home like no time passed at all, you know?

So why do I hesitate to RSVP for the bachelorette party? I'm not sure. I've been thinking about it, and its more than just feeling old and wondering if I can stay awake long enough for drinks and dancing on a Friday night (seriously, I wonder.) Because I've known this friend for so long and she's been so faithful, she's been with me through some times I'd rather forget, though not because of her. This week I realized I've been re-examining my faith, why I chose to believe when I did and why God didn't punish me more for the stupid decisions I made before that point. It would be more comfortable to just let it all fade into history and pretend I've always been a well-behaved smart surburban Christian when the reality is that I've spent a good deal of my life being a confused, easily influenced, bad decision maker who only heard the "sin talk" parts in chapel when in reality I missed the big picture and wasted a lot of time being stupid.

I remember the night I decided I was done with it. I was sitting on the floor in my apartment in Columbus writing in my journal. My horrible boyfriend was hanging out and had fallen asleep on the floor next to me watching TV. I couldn't stand him. He was really mean to me and had promised to stop smoking pot for months. Yet he didn't (though he lost a lot of paraphenalia when I found it and threw it out various windows or hit it in the closet crawl space... and he couldn't ask about it or he'd be admitting he'd had it in the first place. This is the same guy who claimed he couldn't be a "stoner" because his family was too rich. How does that work?) I was sitting there writing, about something not God-related and suddenly felt so alone. Really alone. I felt far away from my family and from people who'd cared about me regardless of how selfish I'd been (the friend I mentioned included.) I ended up writing in my journal that if God was real and actually cared about what happened to me that he would find me. That was it. Not super glorious or altar-call-y. The next day I called my mom and left Columbus for good (to this day I have a hard time being there for any reason because my time there was just that sad for me overall.) I went home. I left all of the "friends" I'd made, I left the boyfriend though he followed me to Cincinnati and bugged me for a while before I got rid of him for good.

At any rate, I literally walked away from Columbus and everything I had or did there, regardless of what followed me back initially. Eventually I was living with my parents again, working for Proctor & Gamble and enjoying the safety of not having friends. Then I ran into this friend from elementary/high school and we started hanging out and having a lot of fun. Really, just having a good time and enjoying having a good friend who was actually a friend again. But it took me a while to learn how to not be stupid and she lived through some of that with me too. When I met Rusty and ended up transferring to Maryland to finish school and becoming close to the amazing people I met while doing YoungLife and through Rusty and school is also when my faith started to mature and I started feeling like I was able to make good decisions without the safety net of home. But moving to Maryland also meant leaving everything here again, including this friend. And I'm not sure how to bridge that gap between first starting out as a new Christian for real at home and coming into my own in Maryland when I think about myself and my life and my experience. So hanging out with this friend seems unfamiliar because that seems like a "different part of my life" though she's still someone I care about. And am I even making sense at this point?!

I think it boils down to being able to figure out how to not see myself and associate all places and people as "bad" and "good" depending on who I was at the time. I just happened to be here versus Maryland though neither place is inherently "bad" or "good". It's just the way the timing played out and the places I happened to be. Rusty could have just as easily lived in Columbus. I need to be able to look back at some of the things and places and events before I wised up and not see them as "bad" just because they happened to be a part of that time period (like at some point being able to spend time in Columbus without associating it with my time there before.) Because we're back here in Ohio now and I'm sure there are going to be things and people that are going to cause me to remember things I'd rather not but realize I'm not that same person regardless of where I live.

*Please understand, my family throughout all of this? A constant. Not a factor in my feelings about myself before or any of this thinking now. I'm strictly talking about my own experience outside of my family after I graduated high school and went off to college at Bowling Green the first two years and started making friends and doing things based solely on me and having nothing to do with where I went to high school or who my parents were or what church I grew up in. Without those familiar factors and on my own? I really sucked at making decisions for myself.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Memorial Day Weekend 2007

Click the photo or click here to see a set of photos from this weekend (sorry, no pictures from the skating party on Saturday!)

Saturday late morning/afternoon we went to my cousin's twins' birthday skating party. Rusty rollerskated... rollerbladed actually. The kids loved it. The adults did too.

Sunday morning we all met for breakfast then my parents, my brother and his family, my sister and her family and Rusty and the boys and I went down to Great American Ballpark for GE Reds Day. My dad has worked at GE for more than 30 years and we went to GE Day off an on growing up. Last year we came back from Maryland to attend the game and we're hoping it's a tradition that continues for a long time to come. We had great seats, only a few rows up to the side of the foul pole on the third baseline. The game stunk, even with the crazy number of home runs. I'm pretty sure I got a photo of the pitchers conversing about how much they suck before the game started. The game was so slow that at one point some guys in the next level up started heckling the TV camera-man's socks. Seriously. After the game my mom, sister, brother-in-law, their nephew and the boys ran the bases and a good time was had by all.

Monday (today) I got to visit my best friend, Amy, and her husband and newborn baby boy in the hospital! Then the boys and I visited my sister and niece, Lianne and Callie. Then we headed to Caitlin and Joel's for an afternoon of random pool festivities, eating various grilled meats and corn-on-the-cob and a seriously competitive and creatively scored game of corn-hole. Joel was apparently using international scoring methods while traditional rules call for scoring with your eyes open and no using wishful thinking. Caitlin was not amused but was able to forgive him and a good time was had by all. Again.

I'm tired, sunburned and going to bed. Hope you had a great weekend everyone!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

They're back...

Same guys, same set, different video. And some BNL thrown in... ::swoon::*

*Swooning at BNL. Though the guy in the "TOOL" shirt is kind of cute.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

My Mother's Day 2018?

The future isn't hard to imagine...

Friday, May 18, 2007

More Disney Photos.

I finally uploaded some of the photos from our trip. Try clicking the Castle to see the set:

Click here for Disney Trip photos

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Schizo Music Thursday.

Happy Thursday, people. I debated an exclamation point, because it is almost Friday. But it's gray out and chilly and we have an open house at our neighborhood's new elementary school tonight, so this Thursday does not warrant an exclamation point, sorry. Unless? I mention my joyful little find this morning.

I have been switching between a tote bag for Sean's twice weekly swim lessons and my normal purse. When I switched back to purse mode today I found two iTunes cards I received for Christmas but had lost track of. How much fun is that?! It's like finding money in your back pocket months after you forgot you put it there. But better, because instead of money that you use for whatever comes your way that day, this is credit that you're forced to spend on music. Too bad ::please note a hearty dose of sarcasm when reading those last two words there::

So what did I download? Oh good heavens. I've mentioned my schizophrenic music taste in the past, right? Oh yeah. Well, today I added a heaping helping of The Shins, Johnny Cash, They Might Be Giants, Bing Crosby & Danny Kaye, The Fratellis, Derek Webb, Butthole Surfers, Pat Benetar and the complete "Bach: The Cello Suites" by Yo-Yo Ma and some other stuff.

Totally random sidenote: Anyone lose a parakeet? Because there is a yellow parakeet sitting atop one of the garden torches outside. Seriously. A real parakeet.

Back to the music. Merry Christmas in May to me (and thank you, Rusty and sister-in-law Shannon!) Here's the download list:

Bach: The Cello Suites - Yo Yo Ma (entire album)

Take Out the Trash - They Might Be Giants

Turn On Me - The Shins

Blessed Assurance - Shane Barnard & Shane Everett featuring the Peasall Sisters

Hips Don't Lie/Bamboo (2006 FIFA World Cup Mix) - Shakira featuring Wyclef Jean

The Cup of Life (The Official Song of the World Cup) - Ricky Martin... yes, seriously. I can probably still sing you some old school 80's Menduo if you'd like

We Belong - Pat Benatar... one of those songs I could have sworn I already had. Yet didn't.

Hallelujah - Martin Sexton

Good Time - Leroy

Ghost Riders in the Sky - Johnny Cash

Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash

Hold On Hope - Guided By Voices

Cigarello - The Fratellis

Flathead - The Fratellis

Stacie Anne - The Fratellis

Henrietta - The Fratellis

Blue Skies / Mandy - Bing Crosby & Danny Kaye... I've had giant crushes on Bing Crosby & Danny Kaye since I was ten

The Old Man / Gee, I Wish I Was Back in the Army - Bing Crosby & Danny Kaye

The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing - Danny Kaye

Whatever Will Be, Will Be (Que Sera, Sera) - Doris Day... waaaayyyyy too fun to sing really loud in an obnoxious voice

Can't Be Without You - Derk Webb

A Love That's Stronger Than Our Fear - Derek Webb

She Must and Shall Go Free - Derek Webb

Ain't That a Kick in the Head - Dean Martin... another longtime crush ::insert love struck sigh here::

Dracula from Houston - Butthole Surfers

Restore to Me - Candi Pearson-Shelton & Mac Powell (a.k.a. "Mr. Third Day")

By His Wounds - A bunch of guys including Mac Powell

Beautiful Mystery - Caedmon's Call

SexyBack - Justin Timberlake... I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

The Devil Went Down to Georgia - Charlie Daniels... "I told you once, you son of beeyotch, I'm the best there's ever been" = Easily one of the top 10 best line in a song. Ever.

Love is All Around (from "Four Weddings and a Funeral") - Wet Wet Wet

Hooch - Everything... "Scrubs" easily has the best soundtrack on TV right now. This song isn't my favorite out of the mix, but any show that features Colin Hay - more than once - rules my playlist.

No Sleep Tonight - The Faders

Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode... because my Depeche Mode CD was one of the ones in the now legendary lost CD case of 2003.

You Know I'm No Good - Amy Winehouse

Rehab - Amy Winehouse

Dirty Little Secret - The All-American Rejects... because my mix CD broke

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Disney Photos. Volume 1.

As promised, here are some Disney World photos. We start with a selection that has come to be known as The Sapper Ear Project. What started out as an innocent question ("I wonder where you get those cool black Mickey ears?") turned into a week-long search through the madness of the Disney shopping experience.

Click here to view the results

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


Dear extended family and dearest friends,

I love you. You are fantastic. You are my life. Also? My name is spelled Stacie. There is no "Y".

Thank you.

Photo Coming Soon...

It's a well known fact that I'm a very visual person. It's also a well documented fact that I have way more photos than five average people put together. When I casually say, "Sure, I'll post photos online!" it actually means, "Sure, I'll sift through hundreds of photos to find a few that don't bore you even though the light/color/composition fascinates me and I could stare at it for hours."

It could also mean, "Sure, but I first have to figure out why I took pictures of every marching band in the Opening Day parade in the first place."

In other news, Sean started swim lessons yesterday. I'll be sure to post some photos soon...
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