Prayer for Deedie and Ramsey - Christmas Day

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Please pray that God would keep Deedie, Ramsey, Aschen and all of those involved with the adoption process safe. That He would protect the other children and caregivers in the orphanage and that others won't be afraid to continue with their adoption plans now that primarily Christian Ethiopia has gone to war with mostly Islamic run Somalia (by all accounts the fighting is taking place in Somalia and Ethiopia is safe.)

Even knowing that the fighting isn't happening in Ethiopia itself, I'll be so relieved to hear Deedie and Ramsey and Baby Aschen are back safely on U.S. soil.

Running playlist.

Three times this week someone asked what I listen to when I run (plus I told one other person who didn't really ask but I told them anyway.) Here's a partial list:

(Warm Up)
Killing Me Softly - Fugees

La Tortura - Shakira & Alejandro Sanz
Pon de Replay - Rihanna
Bitch - Meredith Brooks (seriously, if you're shaking your head and tsk-tsk'ing right now? The lyrics to this song are perfect. One of my favorite songs.)
Alison's Starting to Happen - The Lemonheads
Nearly Lost You - Screaming Trees
Bring Me to Life - Evanessence
Faint - Linkin Park
Sabatage - Beastie Boys
Girlfriend - Matthew Sweet
Be My Yoko Ono - Barenaked Ladies
Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
Authority Song - John Cougar Mellencamp
Stupid Girls - Pink
All I Really Want - Alanis Morissette
Beverly Hills - Weezer
Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
Your Love - The Outfield
The King of Bedside Manor - Barenaked Ladies
I Want You to Want Me - Letters to Cleo
The Boys of Summer - Don Henley
The Distance - Cake
Desire - U2
All Right Now - Free
Mama Said Knock You Out - L.L. Cool J
And She Was - Talking Heads
You Spin Me Round - Dead or Alive
Just Like Heaven - The Cure
Hit Me Up - Gia Farrell
Life Less Ordinary - Carbon Leaf
Why Can't I? - Liz Phair (Yes, not "real" Liz Phair tunage, I know, but still runable.)
Gone - Switchfoot
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
Wonderful Night - Fatboy Slim
Tainted Love - Soft Cell
What I Got - Sublime


Very schizo mix, no? Works for me. Obviously I don't get through the whole list... yet.

Running Challenge Accountability: Friday 12/22 - 3 minute warm up, 35 minutes running

What the farm?!

So all night I've been trying to figure out the anwser to this burning question:

Who sang the 80's rock ballad classic "Total Eclipse of the Heart?"



If you said "Bonnie Tyler" then you are way smarter (or older) than I am.

P.S. After we hard this song on the radio? We heard one with the lyrics "...closer than my peeps you are to me, baby..."

Pure. Musical. Genius.

Girly Health - UPDATE

Hmm. Yesterday? Not a good day. Had my appointment with my primary care doctor. Took in my info from the the girly doc, printed out a week's worth of Weight Watcher's food diary to show what food I've been eating and the running I've been doing (down to the time and speed I've been running) and didn't wax or pluck any of the fun little facial hairs because I figured they're "symptoms" and he'd need to see them. I was actually pretty excited to be getting this taken care of, remember? Yeah, not so much.

First hint that things may go bad? I'm telling the doctor about my blood work in Maryland (which is in the chart in front of him) and about my girly doc appointment Friday. He glances down at the chart and says, "That's odd because I don't see anything about glucose in here." Since the nurse from this very office called me last week to let me know they'd gotten my records and the nurse from my old practice in Maryland called me to see if I'd followed up with my new doctor I figured that was a good reason to go ahead and follow up with my doctor, right? He just seemed... irritated? I think that's a good word to describe it. So I mentioned that yes, that's a little weird considering that was the whole point of the appointment and start telling him about the reason I went to the girly doctor and what's been going on.

First I mention the acne and weird little facial hairs. He didn't write anything down, didn't ask if how long this had been going on or if I had any other symptoms. So I also mention the fact that I'd never had a weight problem before and the only other time I'd needed to lose weight (which was after two pregnancies) I followed the program and did it with no problem. I showed him the print outs from Weight Watchers. He didn't look at them. But he did start talking:

Dr.: Your body is like a checking account. You put energy in, in the form of food, just like you'd put money into your account. You take energy out when you exercise, just like making a withdrawal from your account...
Me: What?
Dr: At the end of the month, if you have more energy in your "account" than what you use? You won't lose weight.
Me: Uh, ok, but what about this then? (holding up print outs) And why is my body no responding to the very same thing it did two years ago? And why is this weight more around my middle and torso (probably first time in my life I ever said "torso") instead of around my hips and thighs like any other time I gained a few pounds?
Dr.: See this piece of paper? (holds up paper) This is your checking account statement...
Me: ...the hell?!
DR.: ...at the end of the month, if this shows more in than out? No matter what you say, you won't be losing any weight.
Me: Are you kidding me? ::sniff::

Oh, yes, the crying started. This doctor had no clue as to what I had come in for. He didn't pay any attention to anything I'd said - didn't pay attention to the acne, the hair, the weird weight gain. If I hadn't had everything written down by my girly doc I doubt he'd have done anything at all. I started sniffling. That's the first time I've ever had a doctor talk down to me like I'm a ridiculous child. I know how my body works. I know to eat less and exercise more. If I didn't, I'd have had a weight problem long before this started. He has my records, he can see (if he looked) that my weight is higher than normal for me.

Aside from the weight, this guy has to have some clue that this PCOS issue also means Rusty and I won't be having any more kids unless we want to go through a lot of fun drug interaction. Right now I need to start taking birth control pills to get a regular period again. You have to be ovulating and having a period to get pregnant. But you can't get pregnant while taking birth control pills. So stop the pills... and stop ovulating and you're back to square one. PCOS is one of the most common reasons for infertility. He has to know that. And yet no questions about whether I was ok with this or if we'd been wanting any more kids. Do we want more kids? 99% sure we'd have said "No, thank you." But having that 1% taken away with no say in the matter really cements the deal for you and that's a hard thing to think about - having no choice anymore.

Now, I'd like to pause for a moment. Some of you may be thinking, "Well, doctors can be kind of bad when it comes to personal matters or empathy or whatever." And, you'd be right. Except? I found this guy through the Christian Blue Pages. Yes, against my better judgement. I don't automatically go for "Christian advertising" for this very reason. This doctor's resume is very impressive and his resources are another reason why we chose him (he runs a sports injury clinic as well) so I figured it was a good mix. The first appointment we had he asked if he could pray for us because (he said) it sounded like we'd had a hectic couple of months with the move and Liam's therapy. I was a little surprised but it was kind of nice I guess. He's a nice guy and was great with Sean at his appointment. But when something really personal happens and I could use a little bit of extra understanding? You'd think Mr. Christian Doctor Man would be the first in line seeing as how he really should understand the implications of how this will affect a lot of personal areas of my life. But no. Instead I get the condescending "Your body is a checking account" talk and when he sees my total amazement at his lack of sensitivity he leaves the room, comes back with my lab orders and walks out again (I'm still sniffing and obviously trying to not fall apart.) He does turn around once in the hallway and says, "If you have any questions don't hesistate to call me!" and walks away. So much for all those bible versus plastered on your website and your Christian music playing in the waiting room. Where's all that "Can I pray for you?" crap now?

Maybe I'm just irritable (or hormonal! Surprised he didn't throw in the old "you're just hormonal" angle to really seal the deal and get me going.) But I was insulted. Was I talked down to because I'm chubby? Because he's a Christian man in a position of authority and I'm a woman? Because he's a clueless wonder and had no idea what to say? I don't know and I don't care at this point. If you're going to claim to be a "Christian Doctor" and a "Christian Practice" and advertise it all over the place then follow through and even if you do think I'm just a hormonal whack-job? This is what I mean... use Christianity to suck people in and then once you've got them, treat them like dookie. Has happened at churches we've been to while I was growing up, happened in school all the time and that's why I avoid "Christian professionals" who us Christianity in their advertising. Liam's therapist is a Believer but he doesn't advertise it. And he's amazing. God really does work through him. This doctor I saw yesterday? I know I'm not supposed to be judging and blah blah blah but I'm going to go with my initial feeling that God would have whacked him on the head and asked what the crap he though he was doing talking to someone like that.

And I guess this post kind of reveals my feelings about "Christians." I'm scared of them. I'm scared of anyone who uses their Christianity to gain anything other than their salvation. I love people who are sensitive, sometimes unsure, funny, sympathic, occasionally angry about something, empathetic, and sometimes not very nice and who also happen to be followers of Christ and will openly admit they're imperfect and sorry about that. But I can't stand "Christians" who are "Christian" when it suits them and otherwise have no use for you. Maybe I'm being harsh. But I had a hard day yesterday.

And my "checking account" is a little low this morning because I've yet to make my daily caffeine deposit.

UPDATE - Mystery Smell

Ok, this is weird. The smell is gone. It was gone the next morning after that last post. I hope it's not just messing with me and we'll come down Christmas morning to be b-slapped with the mystery odor again . Can't take stinky-ness (which is probably causing at least a few of you who know Rusty to shake your heads in confusion.)

Speaking of "stinky" and "Rusty?" I went to one of his indoor games this evening. Walked into this very nice complex, opened the door to the smaller fields and oh my heck it smelled like dead feet. What is that? How can a smell fill an entire two-soccer-field sized area? Why would you not pad the walls with Odor Eaters or Febreeze the turf? Sprinkle some baking soda? Light a match for the love all that's good in the world?! Worse part of this story? I knew that smell. Rusty's car smells like that. Like an open Adidas soccer bag full to the brim with sweaty gear. His Civic smells like that, his last car smelled like that and the first car he had when I met him smelled like that (though he cleaned it up well when I first met him so the smell hit me sneak attack after I decided Rusty was kind of cute and had nice legs...Niiiiiiice, soccer player legs....)(Sorry.)

Ok, so point of this post: stinky smell in kitchen gone. Stinky smell at soccer plex conquering multiple playing fields. Rusty has nice legs.

The End.

Girly health.

(I mean, it won't be too graphic, but the "P" word will be thrown around a bit.)

Guess what?! We might know why I'm so chubby lately! No. I'm not pregnant. Actually, I couldn't be even if I wanted to be at the moment. Why? I have a medical condition! Woo hoo! So why am I happy? The chubby part? Remember? Keep up, please.

Ok. So it's no secret, especially to those of you who've known me for a while, that my currant weight and physical shape are not "normal" for me. For the most part, this chubby phase started in Maryland and it's been hard to deal with. When I was pregnant with the boys I gained a lot of weight. After I stopped nursing Sean I decided, "Hey, why not lose the weight?" and started Weight Watchers and was back to my normal size again in six months or so (started in late February of 2003 and was back in a size 8 by September.) It wasn't hard for me to do and I started running in the process and found I really enjoyed it.

Fast forward: 2004. I was gaining weight and not sure why. The running had stopped (the area where we lived wasn't ok for running after dusk) and I wasn't watching my diet as much but the weight I was gaining was way more than what could be explained away by those two factors. My doctor even got into the act and tested my thyroid and it was fine.

I started to get kind of depressed and Rusty and I couldn't understand why my body wasn't responding the way it had just a year earlier when I lost my pregnancy weight. I think I gave up. My weight didn't get any higher, thankfully, but trying to lose any significant amount just wouldn't happen. With the stress of renovating the Bowie house and Liam's testing, I just let my unhappiness fade into the background and stopped dressing and acting the way I would if my weight weren't an issue. I seemed to not want to have any attention from anyone (except Rusty.) This was the beginning of my "I hate my body but hate that it matters so much to me" phase.

So. Fast forward again. Spring 2006. My doctor orders my normal yearly check-up bloodwork for cholesterol, etc. The month before we find out we're moving my doctor's office calls and says my blood sugar is higher than normal but since we were moving, changing insurance, and starting with a new doctor it was decided I would be able to wait and start a plan of attack when we got to Ohio. In the meantime, I go from my normal 28-29 day menstrual cycle to having a psychotic period every few weeks with an extreme in the variation of how heavy or how light. And it never ever made sense. I made my yearly girly doctor appointment and went last Friday. I was dreading having to deal with a period problem and a blood sugar/pre-diabetes problem at the same time. How much crap could I take at one time? (How much crap could I remember at one time?)

I sat in that doctor's office and prayed that God would let this doctor know what was going on. She did. She listened to my symptoms and said, "You're not ovulating. Probably haven't since mid-June or so when this started. Here's the deal. Here's what you should tell your primary care physician. And by the way? The weight gain and high blood sugar? Is all part of this same issue. One neat little package to deal with instead of a 'female issue' with me and a diabetes issue with your other doctor." I? Almost lost it and cried right there. SO relieved. And so very excited to hear that the weight thing is not my fault and I didn't do anything wrong in my approach to trying to lose it.

She then went on to say that the little facial hairs that had popped up over the last few months? And the acne on my jawline? All due to this as well. It had never occurred to me that this was all part of the same thing. Again, so relieved. I have to take all this info to my primary care doctor (who has no clue that I even had a girly doctor visit and just thinks I'm coming in to talk about my high blood sugar, so hopefully he agrees with the gynocologist's diagnosis.) Girly doctor wrote down a list of blood tests she's suggest be done as well as a medication that should help. The medication, if he agrees and decides to prescribe it? Will cause a lot of these symptoms to disappear. Will cause this last month of doing Weight Watchers and running to actually be able to be effective and help me get back in shape. I just hope he sees the same things she does and we can get this figured out.

The diagnosis? Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) Not life threatening. No reason to believe it's anything other than what it is - annoying, but treatable. And I'm so looking forward to getting back to normal. I don't mean to make this sound like it's "nothing" because I know a lot of women who have this have a lot more severe symptoms than I'm displaying and I know from experience that it's hard to deal with mentally as well as physically. It makes me feel ugly. But from my perspective, the diagnosis is a huge blessing because now I know what I'm fighting. And most of you who know me know I'm all about fighting and being beligerent. Bring it. I'm so ready to wear that cute black dress I've had hanging in my closet since I last wore it in 2004.

Bad News.

Dude. We have a mystery smell going on. And it stinks.

I first smelled it earlier today and thought maybe something had been put down the disposer in the sink without turning it on. I turned on the hot water and ran it and cleaned out the sink but the smell is still around. And it's not really near the sink. We smelled it when we came in the garage door from our "Let's go pick up the van! Let's go drop off the van!" joy ride this evening. I smell it now and I'm sitting in the family room. I've checked the trash, the garage, the basement, the bathroom, the laundry...

What the crap fell over and died in here?!

Sickies.

Caution: Talk of sick children. I can't be responsible for your delicate constitutions.

A few weeks ago Sean was sick. He threw up a few times but otherwise seemed like he had a horrible cold - high fever, congested, coughing. The throwing up was from being congested (it's a thing with him. Always has been.) It's only been about a week where he can sleep through the night without coughing himself, or us, awake.

Then last week, Liam got hit with this virus that is just flattening our whole area. Tuesday night Liam came in and woke me up with "I think I'm going to throw up." The throwing up finally stopped Thursday evening. To be followed a few hours later by constant running to the bathroom with diarrea. Liam is old enough to be embarrassed by the fact that it's been so bad that he's had accidents. And it's been three days now. He's on the mend, but we still can't go anywhere. He missed Wednesday, Thursday and Friday at school so I was hoping he'd be going back tomorrow. But seeing as how this virus laughs in the face of Imodium AD? I'm not sure that's happening.

So Liam's been sick. And Rusty and I have been thanking God that the Lysol I'm spraying everywhere and the wipes I'm using all over seem to have held the virus at bay because he and Sean and I have been ok. Until now. Half an hour or so ago? Sean fell apart. Starting the throwing up. I'm officially scared.

When I say this virus has been "flattening" our area? I mean it. You hear people say, "Oh, it's going around." But this is more than that. It's going around and hanging out a while. Our pastor was sick, we were told his kids had it earlier last week, my brother's family got hit and my 2 year old nephew had it so badly that he was down for a week - literally throwing up three or four times an hour the entire week. Poor child looks like a little starving orphan after the week his body's been through!

Why do I bother writing this? Because I'm hoping that if I disappear for a while that it's because the holiday frivolity is so much fun I can't be bothered to write and not because we're down with the virus of 2006.