I woke up today with a hatred for my surroundings. I know what caused it. Someone that I know has become very successful in his field. He's gone "Big Time". He does what he loves and works with people that you and I read about or see on TV. I knew him ten years ago and I feel like if I ran into him today I'd have nothing to say that would be of interest to him. I know that's retarded. Don't get upset, "retarded" has other meanings besides referring to mentally challenged people: "...A slowing down or hindering of progress; a delay." I know I've gotten to a place in my thinking and perspective on certain things and just stopped. How very retarded.
I know this is a wrong way to think. It totally cheapens every blessing God has given me. It says to Him, "this is good, but it's not good enough". And for that I am so so sorry. Consider this a public confession.
I know that God is good all the time. God instilled in me the desire to create. But the biggest thing? I know that God understands my need to feel fulfilled. But His timing is everything and I cannot rush it. I don't want to rush it and have to settle for something less. God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame (Elizabeth Barrett Browning). I believe this and in it I take refuge from my current feelings of "not enough".
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