Freaking out

Oy. So, me? I'm a wreck. You'd think that after waiting all spring and summer for word on Liam's assessment I'd be thrilled to finally have a date, right? I mean, I am. And though October sounds like it's still a ways off? It's not, really. It's only seven weeks from yesterday.

So what exactly am I freaking out about? Hm. The fact that we will actually be taking our child to a world renowned program for something that affects his entire life and how he lives it, for one. Another? That they may not be able to help us and we'll be back at the beginning trying to figure out what's going on in Liam's head. Also? Our pediatrician's opinion that regardless of what label Liam ends up with, he's going to need some sort of intervention for the long term to help him succeed in school, relationships and life in general.

I mean, that's the bigger, broader stuff. The smaller stuff? Being so proud when Liam has told me, every day of school so far, that he cried or had an ourburst at school but was able to calm himself down. Being so thrilled to see him being so proud of himself. Then feeling crushed when the next thing out of his mouth is that someone called him a cry-baby "even when I calmed myself down by myself, mom". Coming to the realization that the educational part isn't the only battle he'll face at school every day. Wondering if he'll be able to sustain real friendships. Wondering if or when he'll notice that there is something a little different about him. And if that day comes? Wondering what we're supposed to tell him to make him understand that he is still the most perfect child God could have given us and that we wouldn't change anything about him.

Yeah. That about covers it.