Life and love. Or something.

Ok. So that last post? About Earl? Totally legitimate in that the TV show really does make me laugh. A lot. But the post overall was just nonsense. Filler, I guess. Sometimes I open this screen to work out some of my feelings in words and then get to the end and wonder if people really want to read this stuff. And even if they do? Will they read it and think I'm nuts?

Seeing as how there aren't, like, gobs of people reading this and the people reading it pretty much have probably formed their own opinions of me? And the fact that this is my blog, which I started initially to 1.) be able to comment on Jodi's blog and 2.) use it as a forum to work out my feelings and faith and such while occassionally posting ridiculous filler? Leads me to the conclusion that I should just write what I want to write and if it bugs anyone or appalls anyone, they have the right to not read it.

So, now I've set you up to think that there is some big huge thing I'm going to write. Some revelation or announcement or major statement. If so? You've apparently forgotten who's site you're reading. Ha.

Anyway, yeah. I'm working some things out. Mainly, thoughts on my marriage. My husband. My life at this point. First, I have to say that I really really love my husband, Rusty. Rusty is a good man. When it comes down to it you can count on him to do the right thing regardless of whether or not it's comfortable or convenient for him. Please understand, Rusty makes mistakes. Oh boy, does he make mistakes. And then? I freak out. But in the end? Hanging with him through the consequences of those mistakes? Has been painful. And confusing. And scary. But also the most transforming experiences for our relationship. I guess when you say, "Am I going to stick with this person and this commitment even though he did something stupid? Even though I'd be totally justified in giving him the boot?" and then you decide to stick it out, you move to a new level. Admittedly, it would be a heck of a lot easier if you could get to that level without so much junk to go through.

An example: Two years ago, Rusty was involved in a car accident. It was his fault, because of something stupid that he did. Let me say up front that it was a single car accident (Rusty's car) and no one else was involved or hurt. But Rusty himself was lucky to be alive. He knew that. He knew he'd made a mistake that was going to put our family through some crap for a while. And he was sorry. Not just "I'm sorry" and then all is expected to be forgotten. He was devestated. It was plain to see. And I was totally within my right to say, "You moron! What the hell were you thinking?!". But I remember standing there looking at him and realizing that nothing I could say would make him feel any worse than he already did. So I told him that. And his face... the expression on his face was amazement mixed with overwhelming gratitude for understanding him at that very moment. He knew I wasn't happy about it. But he also knew I love him and that trumped anything else.

So we dealt with it together. And it was a lot to deal with. But amidst all of the anger and sadness and fear? I was given what I consider a huge blessing. I got to witness the true character of my husband as a man and as a Believer. Rusty's lawyer met with the judge overseeing the case and came back to tell us that he thought he could get the case dropped because of some technical loopholes. Rusty just said, "I've done something wrong and deserved to be held accountable." Even now? Thinking about that? Gives me peace that I've married a good man.

So. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing, really. Just thinking out loud... or onscreen, as the case may be.