Oh, wait. That's right. They don't have customer service.
We haven't heard from our furniture lately. It was picked up in Ohio, wrapped with 24 rolls of packing tape, then moved somewhere. I would tell you where, but I'm at a loss. We were told it would delivered in "2 - 10 days". Now, being Day 8 and not having heard anything from our furniture, I decided to call the movers to see if they could give me a clue. This is a literal retelling of my epic phone call:
Mover Man A: Hello, ********* Vanlines, who do you need to talk to? (man with heavy accent, which I usually actually quite enjoy)
Me: May I speak to **** ******, please? (listen to me... all nice. Little did I know the stupidity that was about to ensue).
Mover Man A: Who is this? Ok, let me see if **** is here.
Mover Girl B (yes... I realize she's a girl and therefore should be an "A" but I didn't want to confuse with the letters and she was pretty jerky so she's getting a "B". Deal with it.) : Hello, this is ****.
Me: Hi, yeah, this is Stacie ******. You called on Sunday (Note:she called on SUNDAY) and left a message on my cell phone? Blah blah blah... by the way, we are trying to find out when we'll be able to expect our things to be delivered?
**NOTICE** No freaking out about things not being here yet, just wondering if someone would tell us when it'll be here ** Back to the program...
Mover Girl B: Blah blah blah... I can't help you, you'll have to speak to the dispatcher.
Mover Man A(who is apparently also said "Dispatcher"): Hello? What is wrong? What do you need?! (Already, a hint of the customer service that's about to blindside me).
Me: Hi, yeah, we're trying to find out where our stuff is currently? We were told it was in storage??
Mover Man A: You're stuff? I don't have to tell you where it is. It's in storage. It's fine.
**Ok. Let's pause once again and let that last comment sink in a bit. Lovely. Let's go on. **
Me: Huh?!
Mover Man A: I don't have to tell you where my warehouse is. No one has to tell you that. Your stuff is in storage.
Me: HUH??!
Mover Man A: You'll get your stuff when we call for delivery.
Me: What the...?! What?!! Where are our things??! Yes, you do have to tell us where our things are! They're... they're... OURS!
Mover Man A: No, I don't! (hatefully)
Me: Yes! Yes, you DO! (very pissed-off-edly)
Mover Man A: Why do I have to tell you? I don't have to tell you. You act like we came and stole it. Why does it matter?
**Let us pause yet again... Yes. He really said that. **
Me: Um... ooooooook. How about because it's insured and our insurance agency would like to know where it is (where did that come from? I don't know, but the whole conversation was crazy from the minute he spoke, so I went with it. And our things are insured.)
Mover Man A: (and this is where it gets really good - the customer service training really pays off for him): YOU CALL HERE TREAT ME LIKE AN ASSHOLE? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING.
Me: What? (a bit bewildered by the strange turn of events and potty mouth)
Mover Man A: [repeat tyrade above]
Me: Look, it's our furniture. We tried calling all last week for information and now we're just really irritated. Where is it?
Mover Man A: You called last week? We were closed for Jewish holiday. We're a Jewish company.
Me: [squeak... not sure what to make of that because the only two guys we delt with in person were very Latino and spoke with heavy Hispanic accents. I'll be honest, though, and admit I've never met the guy on the phone so I don't know if it's true or an excuse. Even if he was out for holiday observance, he's still a big fat jerk.]
Mover Man A: We'll call you in 14 business days. We're a normal business, we go by business days.
Me: Um, you picked up on a Sunday. That's not a "business day", Dude. And the paperwork said 2-10 days. (yes, I called him "Dude". No, I don't know why.)
Mover Man A: We only deliver on business days. We'll call in fourteen business days. Blah blah blah... asshole again... blah blah. (He said "asshole" at least four times. I wish I was kidding.)
Me: [click]
What have we learned here today? Number one, when I'm angry, the F-word springs to mind a little more quickly than I'd care to admit though happily, I didn't use it. Number two, Don't move because there are bad people out there who will take your stuff and hide it from you then not feel at all badly when you start to cry and demand to know where is your beloved big squishy plaid chair that you shopped and shopped for weeks to finally find. These people truly bite.
Updates to follow, including any ransom notes we may possibly receive from our beloved furniture.
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4 comments:
Can latino's be jewish? Obviously hospitality training isn't a must at vanlines. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard, please keep your fans posted about the furniture.
Anyone can be Jewish if they convert.
I edited the post because even if the company IS Jewish, the guy running it is still a big jerk. And as hung up as he is on "business days", you'd think they could put a note on their voicemail box that absolutely no one would be in the office on two "business days" (Thursday and Friday) last week. It's a national 1-800 number for pete sake! Two days of calling every hour or so and all we got was a voicemail saying no one was available right now and sorry, the mailbox was full so we couldn't even leave a message. Even our doctors office has a lunchtime message that says they're out of the office for lunch and when they'll turn the phones back on. The movers are dealing with thousands of dollars of people property, a little voicemail explanation isn't asking too much.
You called him "dude"? Seriously, THAT's funny.
Glad that you have the Lord, and Wynetta, on your side. Your butt'll be in that plaid chair in no time.
betsy
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