Give me money. Please.

I adore being able to stay home with Sean during the day. Some occasional graphics work came in this past year but ended a while ago. With the kitchen chaos, Liam's potential assessment and travel plans for the wedding in October I haven't really had anything come in and haven't put myself out there. Though I don't really know how to put myself out there. And I hate putting myself out there anyway.

Anyone need some graphics work done? Or some cool artwork? Bookbinding? Cards, invitations, scrapbooks... Feel free to browse my Flickr photos at some former projects...

In honor of my new "I must bring in some sort of income or I'll freak" attitude, I've posted my most updated resume.


Stacie M. Sapper
Somewhere in the Greater Washington D.C./Metro Maryland area

Objective:

A position where my artistic tendencies are recognized and allowed to evolve but where I am allowed to go to the bathroom and eat lunch without a person under 3 feet tall banging on the door or my leg demanding that they need a drink and they need it now.

Experience:

1999-present
Mother of a boy/multiple boys
Responsibilities include but are not limited to:
- Cleaning up puddles around toilet on a semi-hourly basis
- Translating multiple dialects of "Whine" and "Wig out"
- Conflict resolution, most notably in the Sapper vs. Sapper case "that's my ball no it's mine" of 2002, 2003, 2004 and up again for appeal in 2005
- Medical training including removing small pieces of quartz (rock) from the head of a six year-old months after the initial impact.

1997-present
Wife
Responsibilities include:
- Co-existing with life form believing that hockey playoffs, The Sci-Fi Channel and professional poker are acceptable forms of television entertainment.
- Ability to detect dirty laundry without sniffing it
- Prioritizing incoming phone calls, specifically those related to fantasy baseball, Atlantic City travel plans and/or random soccer games, practices, clinics and teams.
- Other stuff. That I'm not typing here.

1972 - present
Me
- Artistic
- Slightly pissy/snarky
- Organizational (slightly OCD, but that may be viewed as a benefit in the right career)
- Friendly
- Believer that God is actually going to do something with me at some point.
- Woefully optimistic?

References:

- My friends: A group of wonderful women with resumes startlingly similar to my own
- Our pediatrician, who has seen me take in information about my child's imperfection without melting into a ginormous snotty puddle on the floor.
- My doctor, who is semi-hot though that has nothing to do with anything. But he is.
- Various art supply and stamping companies kept in business by my generous "support" and "belief in their products". Available upon request.

Salary Requirements:

Enough to be able to live in the D.C. area without food stamps, having to rent out part of my house, stealing gas or selling a kidney.