Hi, I'm sad.

I had my first bad dream about Liam and what he may be facing. In the dream some people were being mean to him and didn't understand that he is who he is and that's just the way it is. It wasn't a nightmare in the traditional monster-under-the-bed sense of the word. But it was a very sad thing for me. Mostly? Because we don't yet know what to expect or what we will be facing as Liam gets older.

A few nights ago, while we were doing our nightly snuggle and prayers, Liam fell asleep soundly curled into me. I found myself praying almost desperately. No, not "almost". Just "desperately". Praying that God would protect that part of Liam that makes him so sweet and sensitive and kind and funny and excited and interested in things. To be teased or even just misunderstood all through school takes its toll on a child. I don't want that spark that Liam has to be snuffed out. At our Mother's Day lunch with Rusty's family, the first thing Liam said to anyone was "I like your dress" to our niece Morgan. I don't want Liam to be afraid to say things like that as he gets older. Sometimes kids who are different learn to be afraid to say anything at all.

A good thing to come out of all of this is that I have rediscovered just how lovely my child is. I sit back and watch him with new eyes, wondering exactly how his brain works. And I am totally in love with him and fall down on my face with gratitude before God for entrusting him to me (also scared and confused that God would assume I have the mental capacity to deal with this. That's a good one!)