Mush Brain

Ok, well, for all of my geeky blogging I'm actually not doing so well. I mean, I may sound like I'm just sitting around writing fluff. But? I'm totally a wreck this last week.

Let's recap, shall we? Ok, September 2003, Rusty starts a new job at NASA here in Maryland and we put our house in Cincinnati on the market. We move in with Rusty's mom while the house in Ohio is on the market. We get an offer and the house stays under contract for seven (yes, seven) months. We live with Rusty's mom for almost a year. For part of that time our much loved but very brain deficient 14 year-old niece lives with us because her mom is an abusive jerk. Are we having fun yet, people? Are you getting this? In-laws. In the same house. For a year. Not to mention the stress from the contract stuff for the Cincinnati house.

Last September, 2004, we buy the house from Rusty's mom when she moves. A month later, we battle it out with moving company who tried to run off with our stuff. We have new carpet installed only to find out they installed the wrong carpet - in both rooms - and go through the whole thing again. We start making the house our own by painting, painting and oh, wait! More painting. We tear out the kitchen, have 110 boxes dumped into our living room, and knock a ginormous hole in one wall. Now we are rebuilding the previously torn apart kitchen.

Meanwhile, in the midst of the chaos we are trying to live life as normally as possible (Sean did get potty trained so all hope it not lost). Then the bombshell about Liam. Gah! I think my brain may explode.

Depending on when you catch me, I'm either fine or I'm falling apart. When am I'm falling apart? Who knows, my brain hasn't decided to let me in on the time table. It just melts down at will. In the middle of Don Pablo's? Sure... have a breakdown. Mucho fun. Buenos noches!

I'm homesick now too. Not just for family (that's always there in the back of my mind). I miss Cincinnati as a whole. I miss the city itself, the familiarity of the streets and places I know. I miss my church like I've lost a best friend. I miss my friends! for now, I catch the Reds at night on WLW which amazingly enough comes in clear as day. I listen to Marty and Joe (and the new guy) and feel just a bit closer to home. And aside from the homesick? I'm tired. Two years of feeling displaced and unsettled has taken it's toll. And it's not pretty.

I do believe God brought us here. But a friend pointed out last night that just because you follow God's leading doesn't mean life won't be hard. He used example of the Israelites following God and ending up at the place with bitter water. God was there. But the water was still bitter. I think they adjusted their attitude and God adjusted the water. Ok, well, this water is so bitter right now that I'm about to throw up!