Endangered Species.

Wow. Ok, well, first... I went to the bachelorette party. It was tame by most people's standards and there was only one conversation about "remember when" and it was somewhat painful but relatively quick.

In other news, Rusty is dealing with some pretty crappy emotional stuff from a few of his friends. Within a one day period he found out one friend had informed his wife that he had been having an affair and "was done" with the marriage. This was hard for Rusty and a few of their other friends because he knows the guy involved and also the guy's brother. Then the next day, a friend from work told Rusty that he and his wife were getting a divorce and he'd also been having an affair. Rusty came home kind of shell-shocked at that point. It's hard to not put yourself in their place when these guys are about the same age as us and have been married similar amounts of time as we have. There are also kids involved in both marriages. Rusty's been really good about being honest with the friend from work when the guy asks his opinion and he's been good to not take sides since he doesn't know the wife and is only hearing one side of the story. But these are also his friends and I can tell he's dissappointed.

A few days later, another friend talked about the problems he and his wife are having but in this case the guy is doing everything he can to do the right thing, be compassionate and take care of things in an honorable way. I'm just afraid that because we are all imperfect human beings, no matter what this guy does he can't control his wife's actions. That worries me and I'm trying to keep them in my prayers without letting my feelings take over.

And last but not least... our neighbor. Some of you are familiar with the ongoing saga of "Hollywood Mom" who up and quit her job, took two of her three kids to Hollywood and left the other one here with her husband? Yeah, well, the one who was left here was sent out to Cali to join Mom and the others. And they're not coming back. Nice. Dad is still here, talks about missing his family. And has a new girlfriend. Again... what the crap?!

Rusty and I have been through a lot together. Some of it has been pretty bad. But each time either of us had to make a conscious decision about whether we were giving up or staying with it. Neither of us is perfect by any means. So how come we're ok but so many others aren't? Is it just easier to give up? I don't know how that's the case when you have kids and a life together that you have to rip apart and try to rebuild somewhere else with someone new.

We have a friend who has an history as a recovering drug addict. You'd never know it from meeting him. He loves his family and is a good guy. But as some point he had to make the decision to #1, get clean and #2, decide his family was important and be there. I haven't told him this but I am so very impressed with that. My own "biological father" was a drug addict by the time my parents divorced and he disappeared off the face of the earth for a while. Then he came back to the area when I was in high school, got somewhat clean (may be debatable) and his family welcomed him with open arms. Which, ok, if Liam or Sean went that route then wanted to do the right thing and get sober again, of course I'd welcome them back. BUT... ("Let's talk about your big but, Simone" - Ha!) But, after "Bio Dad" got clean? That was it. He never took it a step farther and tried to repair the damage he did to his relationship with my brother or I. And his family? Just told us how wonderful he was and how great his new family was and that he was ignoring us for our "own good... because he cares so much about us." Uh huh. Kids don't buy that. If you care, you act like you care. If you really care, it's hard to not be involved. I need to tell this friend how much I appreciate that he stuck with it and is the father in his family. His kids are really lucky (as am I because I got a pretty darn good dad as a replacement in my own situation!)

I bring that up because, like I mentioned, every one of the affair/divorce/diffulty situations going on for friends right now are relationships in which there are children involved. One person seems more focused on himself and his current situation, one wants to do the right thing but isn't sure how and frankly isn't doing the right thing as far as his kids and his "girlfriend" are concerned (moving out of his house and in with his girlfriend) and one is missing his family tremendously and is faced with having them gone for good so he's found a replacement for now. The kids stuck in the middle are going to be hurt the most. The wives are part of the couple. They are possibly totally innocent parties, but they're still adults and are for the most part already mature in who they are as people. The kids aren't. No matter what you tell them, they're perceiving things the way their own little kid brains are able to and no amount of talking with no action to follow it up is going to change that. My biggest fear in each of these situations is that the kids will be faced with choosing sides or not getting to maintain a good relationship with their dads, or even the case of the neighbor to even see their dad on a regular basis. I don't think a marriage should stay together because of the kids alone. But I do think people need to be more realistic about how they conduct themselves while going through the process. And they need to remember you can divorce a spouse you were never "related" to but you can't ignore the fact that you have little people with half of your DNA running around and they are still something you need to deal with! Good heavens, what a rant. People are really stupid sometimes, though. My brain hurts.

What's up with me and why does it matter?

A friend of mine, whom I've known since the second grade (and no... I won't tell you exactly how that's been) is getting married this summer. I've been invited to her bachelorette party and I've yet to RSVP. I want to go and hang out with her because she's really been a good friend to me, even when we lived halfway across country from each other and saw each other rarely with months between each visit. This friend sent me a birthday card every year from the time we were in school until after I got married, regardless of where I was or what she was doing. She's a good friend and I love her dearly. She's one of those people you hang out with after months and feel right at home like no time passed at all, you know?

So why do I hesitate to RSVP for the bachelorette party? I'm not sure. I've been thinking about it, and its more than just feeling old and wondering if I can stay awake long enough for drinks and dancing on a Friday night (seriously, I wonder.) Because I've known this friend for so long and she's been so faithful, she's been with me through some times I'd rather forget, though not because of her. This week I realized I've been re-examining my faith, why I chose to believe when I did and why God didn't punish me more for the stupid decisions I made before that point. It would be more comfortable to just let it all fade into history and pretend I've always been a well-behaved smart surburban Christian when the reality is that I've spent a good deal of my life being a confused, easily influenced, bad decision maker who only heard the "sin talk" parts in chapel when in reality I missed the big picture and wasted a lot of time being stupid.

I remember the night I decided I was done with it. I was sitting on the floor in my apartment in Columbus writing in my journal. My horrible boyfriend was hanging out and had fallen asleep on the floor next to me watching TV. I couldn't stand him. He was really mean to me and had promised to stop smoking pot for months. Yet he didn't (though he lost a lot of paraphenalia when I found it and threw it out various windows or hit it in the closet crawl space... and he couldn't ask about it or he'd be admitting he'd had it in the first place. This is the same guy who claimed he couldn't be a "stoner" because his family was too rich. How does that work?) I was sitting there writing, about something not God-related and suddenly felt so alone. Really alone. I felt far away from my family and from people who'd cared about me regardless of how selfish I'd been (the friend I mentioned included.) I ended up writing in my journal that if God was real and actually cared about what happened to me that he would find me. That was it. Not super glorious or altar-call-y. The next day I called my mom and left Columbus for good (to this day I have a hard time being there for any reason because my time there was just that sad for me overall.) I went home. I left all of the "friends" I'd made, I left the boyfriend though he followed me to Cincinnati and bugged me for a while before I got rid of him for good.

At any rate, I literally walked away from Columbus and everything I had or did there, regardless of what followed me back initially. Eventually I was living with my parents again, working for Proctor & Gamble and enjoying the safety of not having friends. Then I ran into this friend from elementary/high school and we started hanging out and having a lot of fun. Really, just having a good time and enjoying having a good friend who was actually a friend again. But it took me a while to learn how to not be stupid and she lived through some of that with me too. When I met Rusty and ended up transferring to Maryland to finish school and becoming close to the amazing people I met while doing YoungLife and through Rusty and school is also when my faith started to mature and I started feeling like I was able to make good decisions without the safety net of home. But moving to Maryland also meant leaving everything here again, including this friend. And I'm not sure how to bridge that gap between first starting out as a new Christian for real at home and coming into my own in Maryland when I think about myself and my life and my experience. So hanging out with this friend seems unfamiliar because that seems like a "different part of my life" though she's still someone I care about. And am I even making sense at this point?!

I think it boils down to being able to figure out how to not see myself and associate all places and people as "bad" and "good" depending on who I was at the time. I just happened to be here versus Maryland though neither place is inherently "bad" or "good". It's just the way the timing played out and the places I happened to be. Rusty could have just as easily lived in Columbus. I need to be able to look back at some of the things and places and events before I wised up and not see them as "bad" just because they happened to be a part of that time period (like at some point being able to spend time in Columbus without associating it with my time there before.) Because we're back here in Ohio now and I'm sure there are going to be things and people that are going to cause me to remember things I'd rather not but realize I'm not that same person regardless of where I live.

*Please understand, my family throughout all of this? A constant. Not a factor in my feelings about myself before or any of this thinking now. I'm strictly talking about my own experience outside of my family after I graduated high school and went off to college at Bowling Green the first two years and started making friends and doing things based solely on me and having nothing to do with where I went to high school or who my parents were or what church I grew up in. Without those familiar factors and on my own? I really sucked at making decisions for myself.

Memorial Day Weekend 2007

Click the photo or click here to see a set of photos from this weekend (sorry, no pictures from the skating party on Saturday!)

Saturday late morning/afternoon we went to my cousin's twins' birthday skating party. Rusty rollerskated... rollerbladed actually. The kids loved it. The adults did too.

Sunday morning we all met for breakfast then my parents, my brother and his family, my sister and her family and Rusty and the boys and I went down to Great American Ballpark for GE Reds Day. My dad has worked at GE for more than 30 years and we went to GE Day off an on growing up. Last year we came back from Maryland to attend the game and we're hoping it's a tradition that continues for a long time to come. We had great seats, only a few rows up to the side of the foul pole on the third baseline. The game stunk, even with the crazy number of home runs. I'm pretty sure I got a photo of the pitchers conversing about how much they suck before the game started. The game was so slow that at one point some guys in the next level up started heckling the TV camera-man's socks. Seriously. After the game my mom, sister, brother-in-law, their nephew and the boys ran the bases and a good time was had by all.

Monday (today) I got to visit my best friend, Amy, and her husband and newborn baby boy in the hospital! Then the boys and I visited my sister and niece, Lianne and Callie. Then we headed to Caitlin and Joel's for an afternoon of random pool festivities, eating various grilled meats and corn-on-the-cob and a seriously competitive and creatively scored game of corn-hole. Joel was apparently using international scoring methods while traditional rules call for scoring with your eyes open and no using wishful thinking. Caitlin was not amused but was able to forgive him and a good time was had by all. Again.

I'm tired, sunburned and going to bed. Hope you had a great weekend everyone!

They're back...

Same guys, same set, different video. And some BNL thrown in... ::swoon::*



*Swooning at BNL. Though the guy in the "TOOL" shirt is kind of cute.

My Mother's Day 2018?

The future isn't hard to imagine...

More Disney Photos.

I finally uploaded some of the photos from our trip. Try clicking the Castle to see the set:


Click here for Disney Trip photos

Schizo Music Thursday.

Happy Thursday, people. I debated an exclamation point, because it is almost Friday. But it's gray out and chilly and we have an open house at our neighborhood's new elementary school tonight, so this Thursday does not warrant an exclamation point, sorry. Unless? I mention my joyful little find this morning.

I have been switching between a tote bag for Sean's twice weekly swim lessons and my normal purse. When I switched back to purse mode today I found two iTunes cards I received for Christmas but had lost track of. How much fun is that?! It's like finding money in your back pocket months after you forgot you put it there. But better, because instead of money that you use for whatever comes your way that day, this is credit that you're forced to spend on music. Too bad ::please note a hearty dose of sarcasm when reading those last two words there::

So what did I download? Oh good heavens. I've mentioned my schizophrenic music taste in the past, right? Oh yeah. Well, today I added a heaping helping of The Shins, Johnny Cash, They Might Be Giants, Bing Crosby & Danny Kaye, The Fratellis, Derek Webb, Butthole Surfers, Pat Benetar and the complete "Bach: The Cello Suites" by Yo-Yo Ma and some other stuff.

Totally random sidenote: Anyone lose a parakeet? Because there is a yellow parakeet sitting atop one of the garden torches outside. Seriously. A real parakeet.

Back to the music. Merry Christmas in May to me (and thank you, Rusty and sister-in-law Shannon!) Here's the download list:

Bach: The Cello Suites - Yo Yo Ma (entire album)

Take Out the Trash - They Might Be Giants

Turn On Me - The Shins

Blessed Assurance - Shane Barnard & Shane Everett featuring the Peasall Sisters

Hips Don't Lie/Bamboo (2006 FIFA World Cup Mix) - Shakira featuring Wyclef Jean


The Cup of Life (The Official Song of the World Cup) - Ricky Martin... yes, seriously. I can probably still sing you some old school 80's Menduo if you'd like

We Belong - Pat Benatar... one of those songs I could have sworn I already had. Yet didn't.

Hallelujah - Martin Sexton

Good Time - Leroy

Ghost Riders in the Sky - Johnny Cash

Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash

Hold On Hope - Guided By Voices

Cigarello - The Fratellis

Flathead - The Fratellis

Stacie Anne - The Fratellis

Henrietta - The Fratellis

Blue Skies / Mandy - Bing Crosby & Danny Kaye... I've had giant crushes on Bing Crosby & Danny Kaye since I was ten

The Old Man / Gee, I Wish I Was Back in the Army - Bing Crosby & Danny Kaye

The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing - Danny Kaye

Whatever Will Be, Will Be (Que Sera, Sera) - Doris Day... waaaayyyyy too fun to sing really loud in an obnoxious voice

Can't Be Without You - Derk Webb

A Love That's Stronger Than Our Fear - Derek Webb

She Must and Shall Go Free - Derek Webb

Ain't That a Kick in the Head - Dean Martin... another longtime crush ::insert love struck sigh here::

Dracula from Houston - Butthole Surfers

Restore to Me - Candi Pearson-Shelton & Mac Powell (a.k.a. "Mr. Third Day")

By His Wounds - A bunch of guys including Mac Powell

Beautiful Mystery - Caedmon's Call

SexyBack - Justin Timberlake... I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

The Devil Went Down to Georgia - Charlie Daniels... "I told you once, you son of beeyotch, I'm the best there's ever been" = Easily one of the top 10 best line in a song. Ever.

Love is All Around (from "Four Weddings and a Funeral") - Wet Wet Wet

Hooch - Everything... "Scrubs" easily has the best soundtrack on TV right now. This song isn't my favorite out of the mix, but any show that features Colin Hay - more than once - rules my playlist.

No Sleep Tonight - The Faders

Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode... because my Depeche Mode CD was one of the ones in the now legendary lost CD case of 2003.

You Know I'm No Good - Amy Winehouse

Rehab - Amy Winehouse

Dirty Little Secret - The All-American Rejects... because my mix CD broke

Disney Photos. Volume 1.

As promised, here are some Disney World photos. We start with a selection that has come to be known as The Sapper Ear Project. What started out as an innocent question ("I wonder where you get those cool black Mickey ears?") turned into a week-long search through the madness of the Disney shopping experience.


Click here to view the results

FYI.

Dear extended family and dearest friends,

I love you. You are fantastic. You are my life. Also? My name is spelled Stacie. There is no "Y".

Thank you.

Photo Coming Soon...

It's a well known fact that I'm a very visual person. It's also a well documented fact that I have way more photos than five average people put together. When I casually say, "Sure, I'll post photos online!" it actually means, "Sure, I'll sift through hundreds of photos to find a few that don't bore you even though the light/color/composition fascinates me and I could stare at it for hours."

It could also mean, "Sure, but I first have to figure out why I took pictures of every marching band in the Opening Day parade in the first place."

In other news, Sean started swim lessons yesterday. I'll be sure to post some photos soon...

Update.

You people and your caring and your emails and your phone calls and whatnot... you're too kind. So where do I start?

1. I am off the birth control pills. I repeat... the birth control pills have left the building. My wonderfully brilliant girly doctor diagnosed me as "about as diabetic as you can get with out being diabetic yet" and put me on Metformin. I was killing myself with watching what I ate and running and still I lost no weight and my blood sugar stubbornly stayed the same - a fasting number anywhere between 100 and 124 on any given day. It's been going up steadily for the last two years even though my diet and exercise has been enough to lower my cholesterol from 202 to 187. The doctor basically said we can wait another six months until your blood sugar reaches a certain point and say, "Gee. You're diabetic. Here's some medication" or we can start treating you now, be proactive, and see what we can do. I opted for the proactive. I got to stop taking the pills (and for anyone who got that email? I wasn't depressed so much as horrifically hormonal.) It's all better now. You may go about your business.

2. Liam was sick last week. Specifically, Sean found Liam passed out face down on the family room floor. The short version is that he had something called a Confusional or Complicated Migraine. Two trips to the ER and then admitted to the neurology department at Children's. Three IV's, a CAT scan, MRI and spinal tap later we know Liam's brain is fine... relatively speaking, remember, he's an eight year old boy. And he will most likely continue to have migraines. Boo, heredity. Rusty's migraines are bad enough.

P.S. Heredity, you truly suck with giving Sean his first flat out, full on, throwing up and light hurts my eyes migraine yesterday. Have mercy, will you?! I'd like some sleep, please.

P.P.S. Thankfully, with the birth control pills out of the way, I was able to cope with Liam's situation a brazillion times better than I would have a month ago.

Back from Disney.

Oh man. I'm exhausted, my shoulders are sunburned and we have mountains of laundry to sift through. But it was totally worth it. We had a great time. It was the first vacation Rusty and I have taken together since our honeymoon ten years ago.

I'm going to post some photos (including the Sapper Mouse Ears Project.) But I need to vent about some things that happened during our trip, and I want to get it overwith now so the rest of the posts and photos aren't tainted by stupidity.

The last full day we were there, Thursday, we went to the Animal Kingdom park. It's gorgeous, a lot of fun, has great attractions (the Expedition Everest ride was one of our favorites from the week.) But for some reason there were some dumb angry people out and about.

Incident #1 was at the dinosaur institute ride thing. The line waiting time was supposed to be about 40 minutes. Which was actually short compared to some we saw at the Disney MGM park. We weren't surprised - our travel agent told us flat out that Spring Break (considered mid-March through late April) is considered the second busiest time of the year.* Considering our travel agent stressed this fact, it's plastered all over the web and it's stated flat out on the Disney World planning pages I'm assuming most everyone traveling to Disney World this past month was probably aware. Makes sense.

So the line takes a bit longer and people start going nuts. The family behind us was whining enough to be mistaken for a troup of three year olds (and it was a mom, dad, a couple of ten or so year old kids and a set of grandparents!) Seriously. One of the kids was talking about the "stupid 'Fast-Passers'" and sounding awfully bitter for a kid that young. The parents? Only encouraged it. The guy working at the front of the line was named Jorge and was from Spain (every Disney worker has their hometown/country listed on their name tag.) Jorge tried to make an announcement about the wait time but was interupted. Then this stupid, cruel, stereotype of everything that's wrong with America today teenager stands up on the rail and announces to the crowd, "What he said meant to say in English was that the wait is going to be longer than they said!" A few upset people thanked the kid, some people laughed, and poor Jorge looked like he'd had it. For the first time in my life, I called someone a "Dick." I hope that kid heard me.

The next round of people went in and Rusty and I were cut off at the front to be the first to go in the next time. Poor Jorge wouldn't make eye contact with anyone and was just trying to do his job. I leaned over and asked if they paid him enough to put up with the whining and he smiled and said Disney pays him well but no one could pay enough to put up with a lot of what he hears. Once he decided Rusty and I were friendly, he totally opened up and asked our names, where we were from, how our trip had been and then thanked us for being so nice before shaking both of our hands. When he turned to check the next ride, the super annoying family behind us went into action again. The mom pushed up to Rusty and I and asked what Jorge had said. I replied and she asked again, "But what did he say?!" getting almost hysterical. Rusty and I were confused but realized later that she must have assumed that we were telling Jorge how upset we were about the wait and didn't understand we were just chatting (seriously, the wait time was only about ten minutes longer than they originially said and as I mentioned, that was way short compared to lines over an hour and a half at some of the other parks.) When it came time to move to the next room to get ready to board the ride, they asked everyone to move up to the front by the movie screen to watch the little video and the family behind us refused saying they were staying right by the door so they could be first on the ride (yes... they actually told the worker that.) Rusty and I moved as far as possible from them. Between them and the wonderfully helpful teenager mocking the accent, I was upset. Rusty said later I was so angry that I was shaking. I just don't understand why people have to go out of their way to be rude. And why you can't just realize that #1, no one forced you to wait in line, #2, you're waiting for a ride at an amusement park for fun and not water or food in Darfur or something and #3, of course there are long lines, you freaks, it's Disney World! Good heavens.

Ok, incident #2 wasn't as big a deal but made me cry at the time (remember, I'm delightfully hormonal right now.) We were watching this group of acrobats doing an open air show at an outside restaurant. I walked around the back of the crowd, making sure to duck down and not get in anyone's photo shots and checked behind me not seeing anyone there. I took some pictures then the show ended. This older guy comes up behind and says in my ear, "Thanks for coming and standing right in our way" in the most hateful tone I've ever heard in real life. I turned and said I was sorry as he walked away and said, "Sorry" to the closet people I saw who kind of looked at me funny. Turns out they weren't with him and he and his family were off to the side in the very back sitting at a table (everyone watching this show was standing in a circle around the area where the acrobats were performing.) This guy could have come up and nicely asked if I could move but instead he waited ten minutes or so then came up afterwards? And I said I was sorry three or four times to everyone in the area because I didn't know where he was sitting and he just glared and walked off. Why?! What's the point of that? It doesn't help you see the show again and just makes someone feel bad. I just don't get it. If the show was that big a deal, you'd want to see it and not just sit there fuming. Get a grip. I wandered back over toward Rusty. This was only ten minutes or so after the first incident with Jorge and I was pretty much convinced people enjoy being mean and rude and hurtful and started to sniffle. Looking back now I can say it's not that big a deal but at the time it just seemed like too much.

Our experience overall was fantastic and we can't wait to take the boys in September. Of course things weren't 100% perfect, they never are. But it was nice. And a lot of fun. We found that when people got on the crowded shuttle bus and complained, the mood suddenly changed if we offered our seat to a family with small kids. All of a sudden someone else would notice and would offer their seat to someone who needed it more and it started a chain reaction and almost a sense of relief and collective sigh of relief that things weren't worth getting upset about. That happened more than once and it was nice to see. We met some really, really nice people visiting the parks too. A special ed teacher from Jersey and her daughter who sat next to us at dinner one night and told us about their experiences there in the past, a family not from Cincinnati but with the father wearing a Graeter's Ice Cream t-shirt, the guy carrying the sleeping little girl who thanked us for letting him have our spot under an awning in the rain at the bus stop, a couple caught in the thunderstorm with us at Downtown Disney when we waited for the shuttle and laughing when we all got on the bus dripping wet. Letting a family with little kids have your seats or getting rained on so a dad carrying a sleeping three year old doesn't have to is not a big deal to us but seemed to really make a different to those people so we were happy to offer. Consider it servant-evanglism Disney style. If a few more people would not even go out of their way but just be aware of what's going on around them, I think things would be a little more laid back - not just at Disney but in life in general. Disney is just a great big dose of humanity all at once and I'm not sure I was prepared for the uglier side of that!

*Christmas/New Years is their busiest.

Primey McPainterson.

Oh, yes. We've started again with the painting. The painting of the powder room. The front entry, the hallway going upstairs and the upstairs hallway. The boys' bathroom (and their bathroom vanities!) Liam's room. These rooms are on schedule to be transformed over the next few weeks. We bought paint for the boys' bathroom, the entry and hallways and the powder room today. I painted the boys' bathroom vanities Friday/yesterday (a nice flat black - very "Pottery Barn" looking.) They need a final light sanding then a few coats of polyerothane and the doors are ready to go back on and we're good. That'll happen tomorrow. In between coats of drying poly, I'll tackle the hallways and entryway and see how far I get.

Ok. Anyone who's lived through this blog with me so far knows that #1, I love fixing up our spaces and #2, I tend to jump in and get it all done instead of letting it lag. Can't stand having stuff half done and right now, there are quite a few things to do to finish making this place really feel like it's ours. Little by little this house is starting to look more like we live here and that's really nice. We're planning on staying in this house for a long time and that makes me very happy ::insert silly smile here::

I'll try to post some photos over the next few days so you can tell me how awesome I am (positive reinforcement helps me stay focused you know...)

P.S.

If you were ever a fan of the "Faith & Art" blog? It's making a comeback... (CLICK HERE FOR VERY VAGUE DETAILS)

Sunday night.

I'm tired. Are you tired? I'm tired.

It's been a very long week. I had two deadlines, one of which has come and gone, the other is coming up. The project is already submitted and I'm just waiting to hear if there are any adjustments that need to be made before going to print. It's the first time in a while that I've worked with a strict deadline and I found I couldn't get it off my mind. I'm discovering I have an anal retentive streak that threatens to leave me sleepless (and useless!) if I don't watch it. I used to think Liam's issues were random, now I wonder if some weren't inherited from his mother...

Speaking of the boy wonder, tonight is Liam's last Sunday as a seven year old. Tomorrow is his last Monday of being a seven year old (starting to imagine how my last week has sounded?) Liam turns eight on Tuesday. And I'm going to break with convention here and say I can honestly see where the time has gone.

It doesn't really seem like "just yesterday" since he was born. It seems like Liam's been a part of our lives forever. I honestly don't remember that self-conscious, post partum person I was when we brought him home. I've tried to block out those feelings of inadequecy I felt when he refused to nurse or the hurt I hid when other babies were in the throes of seperation anxiety and Liam cried when we tried to take him out of the church nursery (true story.) Since his testing back in 2005, when we had some things finally explained to us about who he is and why? Those feelings have been replaced with new ones and I'm finally able to believe the negative things weren't caused by our parenting and many of the positives were. That is a good feeling. A powerful and reassuring feeling. Now when I look at Liam? I see a miracle to watch and be thrilled with instead of a puzzle that needs to be solved.

Tag, I'm it.

Yeah, I'm only a little slow on the draw. Betsy tagged me last month but because I'm a giant weinerschnitzel I had lost the link to her blog and had not caught up. Because I suck lately. Ok, I only semi-suck, the rest of the suckage can be attributed to my crazy body and the turmoil it is causing me lately (did I mention that I hate birth control pills? Because I do. I hate them like that dog outside apparently hates peace and quiet. Shut. UP!)(And could I possibly be more random right now? Probably not.)

So here are five things the world may not know about me:

1. I am a big fan of "The Tick" cartoon. Spoon!

2. I would much rather do art with my hands than with my computer.

3. Though I use a Mac and appreciate its ability to render graphics without wigging out, I really don't dig the whole Mac subculture thing that's going on. I love my computer but it does not make me smarter, cooler, richer, prettier or smell better than anyone else. Just saying. I think we may need some perspective here, people.

4. I get way too emotionally invested in the secrets I read every Sunday. (and thanks to Betsy herself for the heads up on Post Secret a few years ago.)

5. I'm a big fan of Guinness, on tap if possible.

So do I know five people who blog who will also take up this tag and go with it? Let's see...

"Red rover, red rover, send Heather, Amy, Jodi, Linda and anyone from my family who will respond over..." (you can put yours in the comments section!)

Train wreck.

So I must have been offline most of the last few days or something. How the heck did I miss that Britney Spears shaved her head and is now bald? What the crap is that? I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything but after seeing photos of her (on CNN? And what's that about?! Is CNN the new E! and I missed
it?) Anyway, the photos I've seen of her online or on TV lately? She looks so sad.

I know she has kids to take care of. And I don't know if this crap that's causing her to have so little self-respect and dignity is drugs, drinking, something in her past or personal life or post-partum depression. I don't know who's to blame for her problems, I'm sure she should be held responsible for her role as well, at some point (when you're trying to help someone I don't think telling them how crappy they are is the best way to start the conversation.) Regardless, I feel like I'm watching someone drowning and can't do anything about it, you know? Even when you try to not see it, it's everywhere. I hope someone can reach her before she hurts herself.

Good heavens. She makes my head hurt. And makes me a little sniffy for her.

Cincinnati.

*Check comment section for clarification.

I've been doing a little project that required me to answer some simple questions about myself - birthdate, family, location, etc. My "location" answer? Cincinnati. Some of my neighbors here in the northern suburb of Liberty Township disagree. They want nothing to do with the city anymore as they consider it an outdated, badly run embarrassment. They wear their suburban titles proudly. Which is fine... I guess. I mean, it's true, we don't live within city limits (in fact, we're probably a fifteen or twenty minute drive to the city limits.) Not only do we not live in Hamilton County (the county in which the city of Cincinnati is located) but we're in the next county north, and at the middle of that county, closer to the northern edge than the southern. So I get the feeling of being removed. And for people who've moved from other larger urban areas ours seems very removed for sure. I really do get that. But I will always say "Cincinnati" when someone asks. Whether it's habit or stubborness (with a little optimism thrown in) I don't know.

My immediate family moved to the suburbs when I was in kindergarten. But my family, all sides, have their roots down in St. Bernard. It's a tiny little city, surrounded on all sides by the city of Cincinnati. St. Bernard always maintained its independence from the city around it because Proctor & Gamble had many of it's manufacturing facilities within St. Bernard's city limits. The tiny little city raked in big tax revenue and up until a few years ago was doing fairly well for being a non-trendy area so close to downtown. But then Proctor & Gamble pulled out, Ivorydale closed and for the first time in decades - possibly longer - St. Bernard was hurting. It's really sad to see, though we don't see much of it anymore as my Grandparents are no longer there. Grandpa Stegman died when I was in high school and Grandma Stegman moved this past year. Grandpa and Grandma Kelly died when I was in college. Grandpa Joe died eight years ago and Grandma moved into a retirement apartment a few years ago.

We have no living connections left though we stop at Chili Time on the way to the zoo or the way back from the hospital. Then I find myself taking a detour up Tower Avenue and onto Jackson, smiling at the little girl making her way up my Grandparents' front steps into the house I can navigate with my eyes closed yet would probably no longer recognize with my eyes open.

The photo above is from St. Mary's cementary in St. Bernard. It is where two of my grandpas are buried, along with my great grandparents and great-great grandparents. I have personal memories of some of them and only know stories about others. But to be able to walk into a place and know that connection is grounding. My great-grandmothers were friends growing up here and that's what I think of when I've wondered through the tombstones, not the literal reality of death. It's not morbid at all; it's comforting.

Regardless of its crumbling outside, St. Bernard has a history too old to ignore. Like the city of Cincinnati surrounding it, it's just waiting for someone or something to come along and pull it up. I believe it can be done. I believe Cincinnati, too, can once again become the energetic city it was up until the early 1990's. I guess in St. Bernard I see a smaller version of what the city of Cincinnati has to overcome. And I'm praying for both. I can't change my history, and I wouldn't choose to. So the next logical step is to try to preserve it in a way that honors the people that built and populated both cities. Anyone who's read this blog for a while knows some of why we landed here in the suburbs rather than the city when we moved from Maryland last August -- Liam's stuff required a school district with a record for being able to help kids with diverse abilities. Rusty's job is in Mason, another far northern suburb, and he's able to commute fairly quickly and without needing to drive the interstate. We couldn't afford most of the family friendly areas within the city and a school for Liam's stuff (Cincinnati public schools are not equipt, as my friend Jen can verify after teaching there.) And we weren't ready for another rehab... yet. Maybe one day we'll be closer to the city. Regardless? If there is some way of helping restore some of the life, I'm happy to do it. I think I'm going to explore the possibilities and pray about it more specifically.

I want to end this by linking to a blog post I somehow stumbled onto. Honestly, I have no clue how I found this but I'm SO glad I did. I think reading something like this makes me realize my feelings aren't unique. And that gives me a reminder to pray about this, for this area, the cities of St. Bernard and Cincinnati and the people there. If you live anywhere in the Greater Cincinnati area I really want you to read this and pray too. I'm interested and excited to see God answer these prayers:

http://mariatortilla.livejournal.com/362124.html?view=892556#t892556

Bruiser.

"Sean's face? Meet the table."

"Table? Meet Sean's face."

(Hoping this isn't an ongoing thing.)

Doritos Commercial

So Doritos ran a contest for people to submit commercials and the winner will play during the Super Bowl. This is my favoriate and makes me laugh every time. The actress is hysterical and her "old school" hand sign cracked me up. And the mustache? Dude, the commerical should totally win on the mustache alone.

Here she is, the "Checkout Girl":

Horrifying.

You know what's scary? Tonight, I turned on the radio in the car and the station I scanned to advertised that they were having an "All Hits Weekend." And then they played Ice, Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.

What makes it more than merely scary? I sang along to the chorus. And may possibly have bit my bottom lip and bobbed my head while car dancing.

Then the kicker: the next two songs in their "All Hits Weekend?" Black Eyed Peas and Kid Rock (I'm considering the possibility that my burrito contained hallucinagens and instead of "All Hits Weekend" they were really saying, "Songs that sucked hard weekend.")

Word to your mutha'.

My Haiku Gift to You.

(Ok. So I'm a little inspired.)

Unpronounceable
Swedish name on flat pack box
Blue and yellow joy.



(P.S. No, I don't own that table. Just love the name.)

Sunday night.

I've been avoiding you, internet. I've been avoiding this blog. At first I was able to blow it off as not wanting to deal with Blogger's Beta template conversions and having to go back in and re-write my header code. But that's been done. And I'm still lacking any motivation to blog. It's not like I'm not thinking about writing. It's always there, in the back of my mind. Because this started out as an outlet for me to work through my salvation (if you dig far enough, back to 2004?)

I'd love to tell you that I've been deep in spiritual thought, wrestling with God over my life and what it means and what I'm feeling. I wish I had a smart ass way to tell you how totally uninspired I feel right now in a lot of ways. I know those of you who know me will read that to mean I haven't worked on anything lately. Which isn't the case - I've been working on all kinds of stuff lately. And some of it has been pretty good (some of it has not, but that is just because I'm working from a pre-existing site that was not my own design and the design snob within is being a mighty beeyotch.)

No, I've been busy work wise. But I just feel kind of "half there" in everything right now. Am I unhappy? No, not overall. Am I depressed? I don't know. Am I uncomfortable? Most definitely. I feel as though my body is betraying me and these birth control pills I'm taking to regulate my hormones for the PCOS nonsense are doing a job on me. Add to that the fact that Liam has decided he "hates" school and spent close to an hour crying at bedtime trying to convince Rusty and I that his principal and teacher told him there was no school tomorrow (ok, that look of total "I'm serious, we really don't have school tomorrow" was funny, I'll admit.) I'm just... I don't know. I was going to type "drained" but that doesn't feel right. I just feel uninspired. Maybe I keep coming back to that word because the artist in me really does find bunches of tiny inspirations every day. I get sidetracked by a glass cup full of sparkly junk in my workroom and it makes me happy. Usually. Now I find myself missing it in the moment and wondering later what happened to that minute of my day today?

I guess the bottom line is that I don't feel like myself. I'm not depressed. I'm not falling apart over Liam now being back in therapy once a week for a while. I'm just tired. And missing my old self. And hoping to God that Heather's right and this will pass once my body starts to regulate itself more efficiently.

A month ago I'd have told you I don't like my body, I am unhappy with myself and my fitness and my attitude. Now I just can't wait to get "myself" back.

Cheese, anyone?

*EDITED: For some reason, when I pasted the link the computer had retained a stamping link I had used earlier (that was posted on the Design Board for Amy at RMH) -- Try the link now. You'll know you're in the right place when you see the kid holding his blocks of Christmas cheese (And I had no clue what Heather's comment meant until I read Jodi's and put the two together...)

You have to read this. Especially if you have kids. Or know any kids. It will make you laugh. A lot.

In Response to Raisins

P.S. Make sure to read that kid's Christmas list. I adore the request for cardboard boxes ("for hiding places.")

P.S.S. I know that you know this is a shameless way of adding a blog entry without really blogging. But let's just ignore that, shall we? It's been a hard week.

Greatest Hits Volume 1.

This cold is kicking my butt. Sean has been up each of the last two nights for random conversation and snuggle time. I'm exhausted. My house looks like Christmas threw a wild party and then split when it heard the cops were on the way. Liam is back at school (he's not very happy about that, I might add) and our master bathroom hasn't been cleaned in at least two weeks. So what can I write that will make it seem like I'm making an effort, yet will require as little effort as possible? I'll do what the great recording legends do... a Greatest Hits collection! Brilliant!

I figure this is probably a decent idea as I've had this blog for over two years now, our family has gone through a lot of changes in that time and what better way to bring any newcomers up to speed than to post links to some of posts that kind of explain who I am and who we are and why we seem to be in a state of semi-chaos a good deal of the time (or I could just give you the short answer to that last one: we have two little boys. Any other questions?)

I wasn't sure how to go about dividing these "Greatest Hits" (oh yes... "dividing"... indicating this will take up more than one post.)

(Again: Brilliant!)

I would say the posts in this blog come under one of a number of headings: Our family in general, the boys specifically, Liam's issues, home renovations, my issues with church and "Christianity" and trying to work through that, and general stupidity. A few of those topics are kind of heavy. So let's start with general stupidity and the boys as they are the most fun, easiest to read, and won't drive you away wondering how you'll ever recover those lost minutes of your life spent reading my stressed out rambling.

So without further ado? The Art Chick Blog Greatest Hits, Vol. I: Nonsense - The Boys' and Just in General

(arranged from oldest to most recent)

Chapter One: Fun with Parenting
Why I Don't Have Dogs

Funny Boy

Because Things Aren't Fun Enough Around Here

Another Day

Mug Shot

Summer

Conversations with Sean - Age 3

Quote of the Week

Twinsies

Chapter Two: Basically Kind of Silly
This House Hates Us

Dictionary Time

My Musical Tastes

Sorry Excuse for a Post

Shame - It Can Be A Good Thing*

*The "Shame" posts needs to be noted that I am not dogging on the 80's. I'm totally dogging on watching Red Dawn (for the first time, as an adult, out of context chronologically and politically.)

Prayer for Deedie and Ramsey - Christmas Day

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Please pray that God would keep Deedie, Ramsey, Aschen and all of those involved with the adoption process safe. That He would protect the other children and caregivers in the orphanage and that others won't be afraid to continue with their adoption plans now that primarily Christian Ethiopia has gone to war with mostly Islamic run Somalia (by all accounts the fighting is taking place in Somalia and Ethiopia is safe.)

Even knowing that the fighting isn't happening in Ethiopia itself, I'll be so relieved to hear Deedie and Ramsey and Baby Aschen are back safely on U.S. soil.

Running playlist.

Three times this week someone asked what I listen to when I run (plus I told one other person who didn't really ask but I told them anyway.) Here's a partial list:

(Warm Up)
Killing Me Softly - Fugees

La Tortura - Shakira & Alejandro Sanz
Pon de Replay - Rihanna
Bitch - Meredith Brooks (seriously, if you're shaking your head and tsk-tsk'ing right now? The lyrics to this song are perfect. One of my favorite songs.)
Alison's Starting to Happen - The Lemonheads
Nearly Lost You - Screaming Trees
Bring Me to Life - Evanessence
Faint - Linkin Park
Sabatage - Beastie Boys
Girlfriend - Matthew Sweet
Be My Yoko Ono - Barenaked Ladies
Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
Authority Song - John Cougar Mellencamp
Stupid Girls - Pink
All I Really Want - Alanis Morissette
Beverly Hills - Weezer
Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
Your Love - The Outfield
The King of Bedside Manor - Barenaked Ladies
I Want You to Want Me - Letters to Cleo
The Boys of Summer - Don Henley
The Distance - Cake
Desire - U2
All Right Now - Free
Mama Said Knock You Out - L.L. Cool J
And She Was - Talking Heads
You Spin Me Round - Dead or Alive
Just Like Heaven - The Cure
Hit Me Up - Gia Farrell
Life Less Ordinary - Carbon Leaf
Why Can't I? - Liz Phair (Yes, not "real" Liz Phair tunage, I know, but still runable.)
Gone - Switchfoot
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
Wonderful Night - Fatboy Slim
Tainted Love - Soft Cell
What I Got - Sublime


Very schizo mix, no? Works for me. Obviously I don't get through the whole list... yet.

Running Challenge Accountability: Friday 12/22 - 3 minute warm up, 35 minutes running

What the farm?!

So all night I've been trying to figure out the anwser to this burning question:

Who sang the 80's rock ballad classic "Total Eclipse of the Heart?"



If you said "Bonnie Tyler" then you are way smarter (or older) than I am.

P.S. After we hard this song on the radio? We heard one with the lyrics "...closer than my peeps you are to me, baby..."

Pure. Musical. Genius.

Girly Health - UPDATE

Hmm. Yesterday? Not a good day. Had my appointment with my primary care doctor. Took in my info from the the girly doc, printed out a week's worth of Weight Watcher's food diary to show what food I've been eating and the running I've been doing (down to the time and speed I've been running) and didn't wax or pluck any of the fun little facial hairs because I figured they're "symptoms" and he'd need to see them. I was actually pretty excited to be getting this taken care of, remember? Yeah, not so much.

First hint that things may go bad? I'm telling the doctor about my blood work in Maryland (which is in the chart in front of him) and about my girly doc appointment Friday. He glances down at the chart and says, "That's odd because I don't see anything about glucose in here." Since the nurse from this very office called me last week to let me know they'd gotten my records and the nurse from my old practice in Maryland called me to see if I'd followed up with my new doctor I figured that was a good reason to go ahead and follow up with my doctor, right? He just seemed... irritated? I think that's a good word to describe it. So I mentioned that yes, that's a little weird considering that was the whole point of the appointment and start telling him about the reason I went to the girly doctor and what's been going on.

First I mention the acne and weird little facial hairs. He didn't write anything down, didn't ask if how long this had been going on or if I had any other symptoms. So I also mention the fact that I'd never had a weight problem before and the only other time I'd needed to lose weight (which was after two pregnancies) I followed the program and did it with no problem. I showed him the print outs from Weight Watchers. He didn't look at them. But he did start talking:

Dr.: Your body is like a checking account. You put energy in, in the form of food, just like you'd put money into your account. You take energy out when you exercise, just like making a withdrawal from your account...
Me: What?
Dr: At the end of the month, if you have more energy in your "account" than what you use? You won't lose weight.
Me: Uh, ok, but what about this then? (holding up print outs) And why is my body no responding to the very same thing it did two years ago? And why is this weight more around my middle and torso (probably first time in my life I ever said "torso") instead of around my hips and thighs like any other time I gained a few pounds?
Dr.: See this piece of paper? (holds up paper) This is your checking account statement...
Me: ...the hell?!
DR.: ...at the end of the month, if this shows more in than out? No matter what you say, you won't be losing any weight.
Me: Are you kidding me? ::sniff::

Oh, yes, the crying started. This doctor had no clue as to what I had come in for. He didn't pay any attention to anything I'd said - didn't pay attention to the acne, the hair, the weird weight gain. If I hadn't had everything written down by my girly doc I doubt he'd have done anything at all. I started sniffling. That's the first time I've ever had a doctor talk down to me like I'm a ridiculous child. I know how my body works. I know to eat less and exercise more. If I didn't, I'd have had a weight problem long before this started. He has my records, he can see (if he looked) that my weight is higher than normal for me.

Aside from the weight, this guy has to have some clue that this PCOS issue also means Rusty and I won't be having any more kids unless we want to go through a lot of fun drug interaction. Right now I need to start taking birth control pills to get a regular period again. You have to be ovulating and having a period to get pregnant. But you can't get pregnant while taking birth control pills. So stop the pills... and stop ovulating and you're back to square one. PCOS is one of the most common reasons for infertility. He has to know that. And yet no questions about whether I was ok with this or if we'd been wanting any more kids. Do we want more kids? 99% sure we'd have said "No, thank you." But having that 1% taken away with no say in the matter really cements the deal for you and that's a hard thing to think about - having no choice anymore.

Now, I'd like to pause for a moment. Some of you may be thinking, "Well, doctors can be kind of bad when it comes to personal matters or empathy or whatever." And, you'd be right. Except? I found this guy through the Christian Blue Pages. Yes, against my better judgement. I don't automatically go for "Christian advertising" for this very reason. This doctor's resume is very impressive and his resources are another reason why we chose him (he runs a sports injury clinic as well) so I figured it was a good mix. The first appointment we had he asked if he could pray for us because (he said) it sounded like we'd had a hectic couple of months with the move and Liam's therapy. I was a little surprised but it was kind of nice I guess. He's a nice guy and was great with Sean at his appointment. But when something really personal happens and I could use a little bit of extra understanding? You'd think Mr. Christian Doctor Man would be the first in line seeing as how he really should understand the implications of how this will affect a lot of personal areas of my life. But no. Instead I get the condescending "Your body is a checking account" talk and when he sees my total amazement at his lack of sensitivity he leaves the room, comes back with my lab orders and walks out again (I'm still sniffing and obviously trying to not fall apart.) He does turn around once in the hallway and says, "If you have any questions don't hesistate to call me!" and walks away. So much for all those bible versus plastered on your website and your Christian music playing in the waiting room. Where's all that "Can I pray for you?" crap now?

Maybe I'm just irritable (or hormonal! Surprised he didn't throw in the old "you're just hormonal" angle to really seal the deal and get me going.) But I was insulted. Was I talked down to because I'm chubby? Because he's a Christian man in a position of authority and I'm a woman? Because he's a clueless wonder and had no idea what to say? I don't know and I don't care at this point. If you're going to claim to be a "Christian Doctor" and a "Christian Practice" and advertise it all over the place then follow through and even if you do think I'm just a hormonal whack-job? This is what I mean... use Christianity to suck people in and then once you've got them, treat them like dookie. Has happened at churches we've been to while I was growing up, happened in school all the time and that's why I avoid "Christian professionals" who us Christianity in their advertising. Liam's therapist is a Believer but he doesn't advertise it. And he's amazing. God really does work through him. This doctor I saw yesterday? I know I'm not supposed to be judging and blah blah blah but I'm going to go with my initial feeling that God would have whacked him on the head and asked what the crap he though he was doing talking to someone like that.

And I guess this post kind of reveals my feelings about "Christians." I'm scared of them. I'm scared of anyone who uses their Christianity to gain anything other than their salvation. I love people who are sensitive, sometimes unsure, funny, sympathic, occasionally angry about something, empathetic, and sometimes not very nice and who also happen to be followers of Christ and will openly admit they're imperfect and sorry about that. But I can't stand "Christians" who are "Christian" when it suits them and otherwise have no use for you. Maybe I'm being harsh. But I had a hard day yesterday.

And my "checking account" is a little low this morning because I've yet to make my daily caffeine deposit.

UPDATE - Mystery Smell

Ok, this is weird. The smell is gone. It was gone the next morning after that last post. I hope it's not just messing with me and we'll come down Christmas morning to be b-slapped with the mystery odor again . Can't take stinky-ness (which is probably causing at least a few of you who know Rusty to shake your heads in confusion.)

Speaking of "stinky" and "Rusty?" I went to one of his indoor games this evening. Walked into this very nice complex, opened the door to the smaller fields and oh my heck it smelled like dead feet. What is that? How can a smell fill an entire two-soccer-field sized area? Why would you not pad the walls with Odor Eaters or Febreeze the turf? Sprinkle some baking soda? Light a match for the love all that's good in the world?! Worse part of this story? I knew that smell. Rusty's car smells like that. Like an open Adidas soccer bag full to the brim with sweaty gear. His Civic smells like that, his last car smelled like that and the first car he had when I met him smelled like that (though he cleaned it up well when I first met him so the smell hit me sneak attack after I decided Rusty was kind of cute and had nice legs...Niiiiiiice, soccer player legs....)(Sorry.)

Ok, so point of this post: stinky smell in kitchen gone. Stinky smell at soccer plex conquering multiple playing fields. Rusty has nice legs.

The End.

Girly health.

(I mean, it won't be too graphic, but the "P" word will be thrown around a bit.)

Guess what?! We might know why I'm so chubby lately! No. I'm not pregnant. Actually, I couldn't be even if I wanted to be at the moment. Why? I have a medical condition! Woo hoo! So why am I happy? The chubby part? Remember? Keep up, please.

Ok. So it's no secret, especially to those of you who've known me for a while, that my currant weight and physical shape are not "normal" for me. For the most part, this chubby phase started in Maryland and it's been hard to deal with. When I was pregnant with the boys I gained a lot of weight. After I stopped nursing Sean I decided, "Hey, why not lose the weight?" and started Weight Watchers and was back to my normal size again in six months or so (started in late February of 2003 and was back in a size 8 by September.) It wasn't hard for me to do and I started running in the process and found I really enjoyed it.

Fast forward: 2004. I was gaining weight and not sure why. The running had stopped (the area where we lived wasn't ok for running after dusk) and I wasn't watching my diet as much but the weight I was gaining was way more than what could be explained away by those two factors. My doctor even got into the act and tested my thyroid and it was fine.

I started to get kind of depressed and Rusty and I couldn't understand why my body wasn't responding the way it had just a year earlier when I lost my pregnancy weight. I think I gave up. My weight didn't get any higher, thankfully, but trying to lose any significant amount just wouldn't happen. With the stress of renovating the Bowie house and Liam's testing, I just let my unhappiness fade into the background and stopped dressing and acting the way I would if my weight weren't an issue. I seemed to not want to have any attention from anyone (except Rusty.) This was the beginning of my "I hate my body but hate that it matters so much to me" phase.

So. Fast forward again. Spring 2006. My doctor orders my normal yearly check-up bloodwork for cholesterol, etc. The month before we find out we're moving my doctor's office calls and says my blood sugar is higher than normal but since we were moving, changing insurance, and starting with a new doctor it was decided I would be able to wait and start a plan of attack when we got to Ohio. In the meantime, I go from my normal 28-29 day menstrual cycle to having a psychotic period every few weeks with an extreme in the variation of how heavy or how light. And it never ever made sense. I made my yearly girly doctor appointment and went last Friday. I was dreading having to deal with a period problem and a blood sugar/pre-diabetes problem at the same time. How much crap could I take at one time? (How much crap could I remember at one time?)

I sat in that doctor's office and prayed that God would let this doctor know what was going on. She did. She listened to my symptoms and said, "You're not ovulating. Probably haven't since mid-June or so when this started. Here's the deal. Here's what you should tell your primary care physician. And by the way? The weight gain and high blood sugar? Is all part of this same issue. One neat little package to deal with instead of a 'female issue' with me and a diabetes issue with your other doctor." I? Almost lost it and cried right there. SO relieved. And so very excited to hear that the weight thing is not my fault and I didn't do anything wrong in my approach to trying to lose it.

She then went on to say that the little facial hairs that had popped up over the last few months? And the acne on my jawline? All due to this as well. It had never occurred to me that this was all part of the same thing. Again, so relieved. I have to take all this info to my primary care doctor (who has no clue that I even had a girly doctor visit and just thinks I'm coming in to talk about my high blood sugar, so hopefully he agrees with the gynocologist's diagnosis.) Girly doctor wrote down a list of blood tests she's suggest be done as well as a medication that should help. The medication, if he agrees and decides to prescribe it? Will cause a lot of these symptoms to disappear. Will cause this last month of doing Weight Watchers and running to actually be able to be effective and help me get back in shape. I just hope he sees the same things she does and we can get this figured out.

The diagnosis? Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) Not life threatening. No reason to believe it's anything other than what it is - annoying, but treatable. And I'm so looking forward to getting back to normal. I don't mean to make this sound like it's "nothing" because I know a lot of women who have this have a lot more severe symptoms than I'm displaying and I know from experience that it's hard to deal with mentally as well as physically. It makes me feel ugly. But from my perspective, the diagnosis is a huge blessing because now I know what I'm fighting. And most of you who know me know I'm all about fighting and being beligerent. Bring it. I'm so ready to wear that cute black dress I've had hanging in my closet since I last wore it in 2004.

Bad News.

Dude. We have a mystery smell going on. And it stinks.

I first smelled it earlier today and thought maybe something had been put down the disposer in the sink without turning it on. I turned on the hot water and ran it and cleaned out the sink but the smell is still around. And it's not really near the sink. We smelled it when we came in the garage door from our "Let's go pick up the van! Let's go drop off the van!" joy ride this evening. I smell it now and I'm sitting in the family room. I've checked the trash, the garage, the basement, the bathroom, the laundry...

What the crap fell over and died in here?!

Sickies.

Caution: Talk of sick children. I can't be responsible for your delicate constitutions.

A few weeks ago Sean was sick. He threw up a few times but otherwise seemed like he had a horrible cold - high fever, congested, coughing. The throwing up was from being congested (it's a thing with him. Always has been.) It's only been about a week where he can sleep through the night without coughing himself, or us, awake.

Then last week, Liam got hit with this virus that is just flattening our whole area. Tuesday night Liam came in and woke me up with "I think I'm going to throw up." The throwing up finally stopped Thursday evening. To be followed a few hours later by constant running to the bathroom with diarrea. Liam is old enough to be embarrassed by the fact that it's been so bad that he's had accidents. And it's been three days now. He's on the mend, but we still can't go anywhere. He missed Wednesday, Thursday and Friday at school so I was hoping he'd be going back tomorrow. But seeing as how this virus laughs in the face of Imodium AD? I'm not sure that's happening.

So Liam's been sick. And Rusty and I have been thanking God that the Lysol I'm spraying everywhere and the wipes I'm using all over seem to have held the virus at bay because he and Sean and I have been ok. Until now. Half an hour or so ago? Sean fell apart. Starting the throwing up. I'm officially scared.

When I say this virus has been "flattening" our area? I mean it. You hear people say, "Oh, it's going around." But this is more than that. It's going around and hanging out a while. Our pastor was sick, we were told his kids had it earlier last week, my brother's family got hit and my 2 year old nephew had it so badly that he was down for a week - literally throwing up three or four times an hour the entire week. Poor child looks like a little starving orphan after the week his body's been through!

Why do I bother writing this? Because I'm hoping that if I disappear for a while that it's because the holiday frivolity is so much fun I can't be bothered to write and not because we're down with the virus of 2006.

Good job.

Hint that you may have found the right church: Hearing your husband call your pastor "Dude" while they talk on the phone.

Journey Church While "Pastor Tom" brings to mind an image of a 60 year-old guy in a tie? "Pastor Tom" is actually only a year older than Rusty and I. He occassionally wears flip flops. With socks. But still... I think they were Adidas so he gets style points.

And there's a good chance he may read this at some point.

(Hi, Pastor Tom.)

Seriously.

I will take my husband and move our family to Canada.

Rangel, a veteran of the Korean War who has unsuccessfully sponsored legislation on conscription in the past, said he will propose a measure early next year.

In 2003, he proposed a draft covering people age 18 to 26. This year, he offered a plan to mandate military service for men and women between age 18 and 42.

CNN Article - Bring Back the Draft

Colin Love.

Sean is sick. High fever. Grossness. You know, the fun stuff. I spent yesterday watching movies with him draped across me most of the afternoon. Glad we picked up Cars and Over the Hedge on DVD last week; at least we something I hadn't seen fifty times (three or four, tops.)

Anyway, since we're kind of in "laid back mode" here and we haven't had any new episodes of Scrubs to keep us warm and happy lately, I've had to resort to reliving some favorites through YouTube. Add Colin Hay and you've got near perfection. Colin Hay is my go-to guy for easing up. Calming down. He's so subtly genius and I could listen to him for hours (sometimes I do.)

Monday. Again.

I'll admit, I wasn't quite sure how to follow up that post from last week. I wanted you to understand I absolutely and completely adore my kids and my husband but worried that wouldn't come through. I am highly amused and thoroughly touched by the love of my self-proclaimed "snarky" or "attitudey" friends who emailed me regarding this post to encourage me instead of posting here for fear of insulting anyone else. Since when did we get so considerate? I love you.

Ok, so as I just admitted, I pretty much basically ignored the blog on purpose this week. I had stuff to do anyway. Things like ripping this nonsense off the kitchen wall:

I apologize if you intentionally have this on your walls. It's just not my style. Or Rusty's. Or apparently my neighbor's down the street who had to strip the same exact wallpaper border in her kitchen.

Next? We painted. "Hat Box Brown" (see Family Room photo) and "Swiss Red." Oh yes. I did just say our kitchen is brown and red. The two shorter walls with cabinets are red. And they're lovely, thankyouverymuch (and it's not the red you see in that photo. That's an old picture. Stop looking at it already.) I'll take a few pictures of the kitchen paint after we get the kitchen put back together. I'm on the hunt for some kind of funky salvaged wooden signs (think old grocers or market signs or something -- something long and only about a foot high and very old and beat up.) Like it would surprise anyone here to find out I hang random crap in my house? Whatever.

Speaking of random crap, we hung an old mirror above the couch in the living room. I bought it at an auction a few months ago and it's cool. From what I found online, this is probably 80-100 years old. The glass is in pretty sad shape in some places but we decided it made it look funkier (can you believe Rusty went with that? I love Rusty.) We could get a new mirror cut for the frame but aren't really inclined to do so as of right now. We stood in front of it talking and wondering about how many people have looked in that mirror that now hangs on our living room wall and decided to keep it as is*. Plus, we screwed it into the wall using achors so we're also just kind of lazy.


Well, that's all the entertainment I can come up with for now. Stay tuned. You never know when we'll randomly do something to the house.

*So if you visit, don't ask why I didn't bother to clean the mirror. It's clean. It's just old.

Happy Monday.

Monday confession.

I've written and re-written this post three times now. I can't figure out how to say it and get my point across without sounding either stupid or ungrateful. Please keep in mind that I am neither (definitely not ungrateful; hopefully not stupid.) So here's the deal. We really like the church we've been going to over the last three weeks. We feel very welcomed and we plan on making it our permanent place of worship. We like the fact that small groups are a priority. So we've been looking forward to finding one and getting to know some people. We were given the name of a couple that are starting a small group based on a parenting book and we went to the first get-together last night. And this is where my confession comes in... I was dreading it. I told Rusty I didn't want to go but I sucked it up and we had a nice time. But I'm still not sure I can do this.

Here's the deal. If you've been reading for any length of time or if you're a friend from back on the east coast? Then you know that the last few years have been mainly about our kids. Specifically, about Liam. We moved to Ohio, to a better school district and great therapy, for Liam. We left a newly renovated house (in which we did all the work ourselves) and we left friends that we love dearly and miss beyond belief (some of which Rusty has known most of his life.) Primarily for Liam. Because we love him more than just about anything. And? We would gladly do it again. God is blessing us beyond belieft. And we are so grateful. I am so very grateful. And at the same time? I'm needing a break from living and thinking and breathing based on the question "what's best for Liam" in such a way that all else comes second. What Rusty and I were trying to do on our own for Liam is now being handled by many different people - his school has it under control, his therapist is on top of things and this area and neighborhood are great for him. Liam is in a good place. It's time for me to start thinking in other directions. I feel like I've been in mom mode for way too long without a decent break. Even before Liam's issues got as noticable and we started the assessment process? I had Angela to deal with (my niece.) And those of you who know Angela or know of Angela know that situation affected me emotionally in a way I hope I never have to deal with again. I felt responsible for her well-being and I felt guilty that I couldn't make things right for her. I'm still struggling with it. That's another post all together.

Back to the parenting thing. I have been trying to figure out what it is about the idea of starting in a parenting group that is bugging me so much. All I could come up with is this: our small group in Maryland was made of up parents and non-parents. And we talked quite a bit about our kids. But for the most part we all knew each other way before we were parents - college and even earlier in some cases. We had relationships that were good and fun and loving before the kids came along. So when the kids did come along? They weren't the only things we had in common. Or I should say, they weren't the thing that brought us together? I'm not sure (which is why I keep deleting and re-writing this post.) Being brought together by your kids isn't a bad thing. I adored Liam's first grade teacher. We got to be good friends. But? She and I spent time doing "non-mom/teacher" things.

Am I making sense? Good heavens. I really enjoyed the people we were with last night. The book sounds like something that will be good for us. But I need something for myself. A women's small group or an artist's small group or someone one-on-one to hang out with on a regular basis and connect spiritually as a friend instead of as a "mom." I miss "me." I didn't realize just how much until I started running again a few weeks ago and had forgotten how much I missed it. I thought to myself, "I love running. I forgot how much I really like running. How do you forget something like that? What else have I forgotten about myself?"

Something's got to give.

The Maryland Remodel

I found a post I had written back in June but never posted. It included photos I had taken when we put the Bowie house on the market. I was going to delete them and then I realize that there are some friends who never saw the final remodel result. Betsy, I know you saw photos when we first painted the living room but otherwise you'd never been to our place (I'm a horrible friend. I'm really sorry!) Linda saw the place when the cabinets were in but the final version of the countertops weren't in. My family only knew the Bowie house as Rusty's mom's place, though my mom was there for a visit while we were taking down the wall. And now I have a friend that wants to see the photos for a project she's doing with her cabinets (the bathroom vanity is the same in both photos, I just restained it a much darker color and put on new hardware.) And for Laurie, with whom I've been discussing Ikea cabinetry and whether to wait for Ikea to set up shop in Cincinnati next year? The kitchen cabinets in the photos are the Ikea "STAT (White)" which is a farmhouse style doorfront. And since I raved about the organizational options with their cabinets I'm linking to a set I had put on Flickr a while back with some of those options. I typed out a good deal of what we talked about in the email but thought it may be able to visualize with the photos there for reference (I don't have a picture of the silverware drawer organizer which was one of my favorite details!) :

Click here to view the Ikea cabinetry detail pictures

Otherwise, here are the "Before & After" photos I never posted until now:

Letter from home

Dear Maryland (and Linda, Jenn, Jodi and anyone else who hasn't seen us in months),

Hi! How are you? I am fine (aside from a raging case of "I'm a dork".)

Last time we chatted, Maryland (and friends), you asked for photos. Ok, sure. Why not post photos. But only if you promise, Maryland (and again with the friends) that you will not mock me for my lack of ability to walk into a room without painting it (shut up) or drive by a garage sale, flea market or salvage store without buying something old (seriously, if you live in Cincinnati you have to go to Building Value in Walnut Hills - that place is overflowing with character and history and the people are really really nice. I promised them I'd be back... and that I'd bring friends.)

So here now are a few pictures of the house as it stands today...



Ok, photo#1. The dining room. There are a number of things you may be thinking upon viewing this photo. You may be saying to yourself, "That is one big, semi-stripped piece of furniture!" But? You'd be wrong. Because there are actually eight semi-stripped pieces of furniture in that room... I just chose to feature one for your viewing pleasure*. Another thing you may be noticing about that room? The lovely (not really) navy blue paint. We are not responsible for the paint. Now Maryland, you know that I am not afraid of color on the walls ("Your living room looks like a hobbit hole" ring a bell, anyone?) And I've actually seen navy blue on walls and it's beautiful. In fact, my brother and sister-in-law have an open kitchen/living room with vaulted ceilings and have navy on one wall and it looks spectacular with the other colors in the room and the trim. But this? This does not look spectacular. This looks dark and weird. Maybe because of the chair rail running through the middle of it? I don't know and don't particularly care. It's leaving sometime soon. Ummm, what else... ok, the light fixture. It's not "bad", it's just not our style. Coming down when we get to it. Probably sometime after the furniture gets refinished, the paint gets taken care of and I'm able to shower for more than two days in a row (you'd think showering is a priority but for some reason the house doesn't agree with that.)

Ok, let's move on, shall we?



Ah, yes. This, Maryland, is the living room. Or as I like to refer to it? The "let's-put-everything-we-can-possibly-fit-into-it-and-then-decide-to-paint" room. In my defense? This room is actually coming together (it's the one with the french doors that was in the first batch of house pictures we sent out.) I painted and got curtains hung and then decided to paint the bookcase (I don't want to hear it, thanks.) So nothing that went into the bookcase has been unpacked because the second coat of paint went on Friday. So to prove to you (and to encourage myself) that the living room is close to being unpacked and put together and finished, here is another photo of some detail of the paint color (Olympic Willow Tree, the same color we had in the living room in Bowie):



There are a few other random photos on the art blog too but since they're more "detail" and less "real life mess" I wasn't sure they reflect the true condition of our house at the moment. And you know I'm all about keeping it real.

Well, that's all for now. We miss you, Maryland (and friends). But we're settling in and I have the majority of a whole new house to work on. And you know me; I may complain about the messes but I really really like making them. We love you, and can't wait to see you soon (Linda, that is aimed directly at you, sister. I try to check the weekly airfare deals to Philly so you may need to find a babysitter!)

Goodbye and goodnight, Maryland (and friends),

Stacie a.k.a. "Super Dork"

*P.S. The large semi-stripped furniture in the dining room? We bought a dining room set at an auction last month. $150 for a table with leaves, six chairs and a buffet. The catch? They have layers of white, kind-of-white, and not-even-remotely-close-to-white paint on them. And on top of that? All of the detail work (spindles, etc.) have metallic gold paint. Niiiiice.

Gah!

I swear I mean to take pictures. But the site of the post-semi-cross country move mess is making me want to throw up a little.

Our House Photos

So I didn't get a chance to go back to the house photos on Flickr until just now. And can I just tell you how much I adore my friends? Especially those who leave me such lovingly snarky remarks? Betsy and Jodi made my day. Seriously? Our house is not ginormous.

Ok, maybe it is. Especially to us after living in the Bowie shoebox.

We got a great deal on the house; God really blessed us. The couple moving out was being transferred to Virginia and the house had been on the market for a while. And? This house has some things wrong with it. To prove that statement, I will post photos of our mutant master bathroom (our home inspector said he was taking notes to put it in a book he's planning on the "weirdest things [he's] ever seen.") Woo hoo! Go us, with our funky weird bathroom. And the navy blue dining room (seriously.) And the drunken chef wallpaper border in the kitchen (which really contains 100% drunken chefs.) And the vintage dining room set I bought at an auction for cheap a few weeks ago and thought "Hey! I'll just refinish it!" because, you know, I have absolutely nothing else to do with my time. And to clarify? The navy dining room and the drunken chefs were here when we bought the place.

In all honestly, I really meant it when I said God blessed us with this house. We got here at the right time. I'm going to try to take photos of the chaos around here. You know... to keep it real and all. The last photos? Not so "real." Look closely at the only interior photo and you'll see that it's a shot of the upper half of the wall. Cropping out the floor. Because? The floor is full o' junk. You may have also noticed I was all "See the pretty outside of our house? So pretty." But didn't really show much of the inside. On purpose.

I promise to take some realistic photos of the inside of the house at this stage of unpackedness if you promise to not recoil in fear. And remember how nice and neat (and slightly anal) I usually am about my house. Deal? Deal. Ok, then. More photos to come soon...

Our house

Yes, we moved. No, we're nowhere close to being unpacked. But if you click here you can see a few more photos of the house so far.

I promise to update soon...

P.S. If this blog looks like one giant link to you? I have no clue why. I'm now using a Mac and it's happening. But it never happened on the PC. Someone help?

World Refugee Day

CNN.com - No end in sight for Africa's suffering masses - Jun 20, 2006 -- I feel like we need to keep talking about this stuff because it's much bigger than rising gas prices and who we're most likely to vote for in 2008. This article is really good, completely heartfelt by a man who's been traveling and reporting from Africa for a long time. Everything inside me revolts at the thought of things he's describing as normal life for many people in Africa. I don't understand Africa. I know there is a long and complicated history. I know it's so overwhelming for me to think about. So I ended up praying for one person instead. I don't know that one person -- it may be a child, a woman, a man or even one of the people causing the problem. I don't know them. I can't know them! My life is way too different in so many ways to be able to think of specific ways to pray for them. So I don't. Instead I pray for any one person at any one time to feel God with them and to somehow make it through not only physically but mentally and spiritually as well. If they have to live in a refugee camp for their own protection, let them feel love from somewhere, let them feel worthy of living and human again.

I have to admit that initially my impressions of Angelina Jolie were negative. She's reported to be really "weird." But honestly? I don't really care anymore. She's famous and uses that fame to bring attention to people who would otherwise go unnoticed. No matter how much I do or don't like her? I can't deny that she is able to do something that a lot of other, lesser known people can do. She also seems to actually live out her words by giving 1/3 of her income to charities for refugees. 1/3 of her income is a lot. A lot. That's a lot of money to part with. And I'll happily say that I'm happy that she does it. Her personal life doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I don't know her personally and will never get 100% of the truth about her life and I don't care. The person who may be able to live a few more days because of money that made it to them through a donation she made? Probable doesn't care what the crap she does with her spare time. So I say, "Yay, Angelina Jolie. You may be overexposed and kind of creepy yet strangely beautiful but at least you're aware of a problem that you are uniquely qualified, by your over-inflated income, to contribute in a way that most of the world cannot. Keep it up."

Liam after the game.

Liam. Running the bases at Great American Ballpark after the Cincinnati Reds played the Diamondbacks last Sunday. After the game, fans were allowed to run the bases. The line? Was huge. Adults, little guys, teenagers, girls, boys... pretty much a mix of anyone who ever wanted to pretend they made the big time (except me, because I had to get this on film.)